Annoying

Why I got so annoyed --

Well you know, aside from my little hissy fits about people not being able to sign in properly and the fact that I was physically miserable, pregnant, emotionally stressed, mentally stressed and having no clue as to my future . . .(I'll explain all of that later, I promise) there are just things about our clients that got on my last nerve.

We had one client that came in -she and her husband were having a house built or renovating, I forget which but anyway, she came in for some legal counsel because her painter used the wrong color on the walls.  What so --she asked for pink and he painted them blue?  Not exactly --they chose the color Eggshell and the painter used Linen --or something like that.  She brought in the labels from the paint cans and samples from the paint store and honestly, I had to hold them in the sunlight and really really really squint in order to see the difference.  But you know, her world was crumbling . . . she asked the painter to redo the walls which he agreed to do but told the woman he would still charge her for his time.  And like I said, this caused her world to shatter.  This woman came into our office no less than three times crying, whining and complaining she couldn't get her painter to redo the walls free of charge.   She annoyed me.  She whined and acted like the entire universe should come to a halt because her walls were eggshell and not linen.  I felt like our time could be better served you know, SERVING SOLDIERS.

I also had a short fuse for clients that came in and wanted to tell us what the laws were, "Well, I talked to this guy whose wife's aunt is a judge in Utah and he was telling me she told his wife. . . "  Uh, that's Utah, baby and that's about 3 persons far removed from you so . . . . . but these guys would come in all cocky and full of themselves.  Hey, if you already know the law why are you wasting our time?  They didn't necessarily really want to know the law, they just wanted to find a loophole to fit their desires.

I was torn between feeling sorry for and being annoyed by the young (dumb) soldiers THAT WE WARNED against a certain action and they decide not to heed the attorney's legal advise and then come in a few months later . . . like the soldiers that would bring in a lease for review and be STRONGLY advised against signing it but they were so impatient and anxious to get out of the barracks, usually because they just couldn't wait to live with their girlfriend, so they'd sign the lease anyway, get screwed over by the landlord then come in and want JAG to fix it and make it all better.

The young wives that would sign a legal separation and give everything to their husband, again against all legal advice, then come back in a few months and say, "I changed my mind . . ."  Honey, you signed a legally binding document.  The wife would say, "But I thought if I gave him what he wanted he'd come back home."  Ugh!   Granted the legal separation would be superseded by any divorce decree and the Army did require a certain amount of spousal support but even so, some woman just were so desperate to salvage their marriage and try to get their husbands to love them.  I guess "annoyed" is the wrong answer for this scenario but it did happen time and time again.

One soldier came in and wanted to sue the state of Alaska  . . .
Females that wanted to sue males for telling people they slept together . . and not because they didn't but because they did . . .

Day in and day out, I grew weary of such nonsense and honestly, because JAG services are at no cost to the soldier or family member, I think every and any whim that crossed some people's minds caused them to come in for help and if they had to pay for the service they would have thought more seriously about it.  Like, it had no value to them or something . . and that would bog down our appointment schedule.

But then there were those people that you really did help ---that really needed legal assistance and those clients, I loved them.  You'll meet a couple more of them.

Serving Those That Served

One day we got a call from a young man that was the son of a retired soldier.  The son explained that the father was disabled and had a very difficult time getting out of the house so he wanted to know if we could send someone to his home to notarize some documents for his Dad.  I was pretty sure we weren't able to do that but I told him I'd ask. 

As I suspected, my OIC said no and that the man would have to come into our office.  A day or two later the son came in and reminded me of who he was, "I'm the one that called about my Dad . .  ."  He explained his Dad was in the car but it was quite difficult for him to get in and out of the car and could I please come out to the parking lot to notarize documents for him.

I wasn't sure for two reasons.  First of all, though this man seemed to be genuine and nice, I wasn't sure if he was telling the truth.  What if he was just trying to get someone over to his house or out to his car?   Secondly, I felt I should get my OIC's permission before I went out so I told the man I'd ask.  I asked the Captain and he again said no.  When I came back out and told the son I was not able to do it, I could tell he was very disappointed and then he asked if he brought the signed documents in would I just go ahead and notarized them.  I explained to him I could not do that --the person had to personally appear before me, "Okay then, I"ll just bring Dad in."

It was quite a while later when the son and Dad came into our office.  I had long forgotten about the son and thought he really was lying or just figured it wasn't worth the trouble --what I didn't figure on was it took so long because it was just that difficult for this man to get around.

The father was in a wheel chair and had a multitude of problems.  He was very frail and thin looking, on oxygen, braces on his legs, something on his head to keep it up.  Despite his physical ailments, he was still very sharp minded and knew what was going on.  When I saw this man, I felt bad that I just didn't go out to the car like he requested.  The documents they brought in were all in regards to the man's care; things that were medically necessary and POA's giving his son authority to make medical decisions, conduct his personal finance, etc.  I needed to be certain this man understood what he was doing.  Call me cynical but there are children out there that abuse their parents and take advantage of them.  Before I let this man sign anything, I had to be certain he knew what he was doing.  The man looked like he really should have been in a home but the son told me he just could not do it --he was going to take care of his Dad as long as he could.

I knelt down to talk to the gentleman face-to-face.  I asked his name, I asked his son's name and then asked if the man with him was that son.  I chatted with him a little bit about his time in service, etc. and what seemed like me just making small talk, I was really trying to determine if this man had presence of mind and knew what was going on.  I then briefly explained the documents and asked if he understood what he was signing and if that was his desire, he indicated yes.  When I was confident the man had clarity of mind and was not signing under any duress, I notarized the documents for him.  The two men then went on their way.

A little while later I was leaving for lunch and I saw the two of them in front of the building.  The son was still getting the father strapped into the car --it was quite a procedure; I could see why the son was hoping to get someone out to the car.  I stood there for a short while watching --the son handled his Dad so tenderly, it was touching.  The Dad just completely resigned himself to his son and the son handled that trust with such great honor --it showed in their faces and in the manner they reacted toward one another.

As I was walking by them the son saw me and said, "Oh Hi, Sergeant."  I went up to him and said, "I can't come out to your home but if you ever need anything from our office again, just call ahead and I'll meet you outside.  There's no need for you and your Dad to have to go through all of this just to get some service."  The son thanked me --and he also took me up on the offer.  Two more times they came in.  The son would park in front of the building and come in.  I didn't make him sign in or wait --I just took a clip board with me with my seal and went out to the car.  I never asked permission from my OIC nor did I care what he would say --we were in the business of serving soldiers, the same soldiers that so honorably served us.  Walking out to his car was just the least of what I could do for him.

I Had My Moments

Maybe I did help the Korean woman, I have always wondered what happened to her . . but I wasn't always that nice and helpful.  I mean, if I thought someone was in danger I would help but often times, our clients just annoyed me.

I was in my second trimester of pregnancy and I was miserable. It was mid summer and Kansas was experiencing record heat. I was also going through a lot of personal stress (some related to the pregnancy, some not) and I had just about had it with Legal Assistance. Day in and day out it was non-stop madness and I guess this particular day I just hit a wall. It was the proverbial last straw on the camel's back.

I had long ago grown weary of people scribbling their names onto the sign-in sheet –we could not read their handwriting so I wrote at the top of the sign-in sheet, “PLEASE PRINT.” No one paid any attention to that so I put a sign just above the sign-in sheet, “PLEASE PRINT”. Still no one paid attention so I made the sign bigger and more prominent, “PLEASE PRINT LEGIBLY!” And STILL no one paid attention so I made a bigger sign that said, “IF WE CAN’T READ YOUR NAME, WE CAN’T CALL YOUR NAME! PLEASE PRINT CLEARLY!”

AND STILL PEOPLE IGNORED THE SIGN. I would stand in the waiting area with the clipboard in my hand, “Sergeant . . . Art—something . . “ No one moved. “The last name is - - A, R, T . . or maybe it starts with an O? I can’t read the writing. . Sergeant E6 . . .Ort---something or Art—something? Anyone?” No one moved. “Well, if your name has not been called you might want to come check the sign-in sheet. I can’t call your name if I can’t read it. Anyone?” Still no one moved.

FINE! I would go onto the next name. Then a short while later some Sergeant would come up to my desk all infuriated and huffy because he had been waiting so long . . . “But Sergeant, I tried to call your name, I asked everyone to come check the sign in board, the sign clearly says to print. You did not print, you signed your name and it’s impossible to read.”

That happened repeatedly so like I said; I just hit a spot where I was fed up with it and both the heat and my pregnancy had soaked up ALL of my patience. One day I went to call a name and again it was someone that signed their name, they did not print. I tried to decipher the writing and several times I called out what I thought the name to be and then said, “If your name has not yet been called you might want to come check the sign-in sheet. PLEASE print your name, do not use cursive writing.” Each time I went back to the sign-in sheet to call the next person, I checked that signature to see if someone had come back to print their name, nope.

A short time later a woman came up to my desk, said she had an appointment and had been waiting well over 45 minutes. I asked her if she signed in and she said yes so I went to the clipboard and brought it over to her. I pointed to the signature that I could not read and asked, “Is that you?” She indicated that it was. I was stunned. HOW MANY TIMES DID I ANNOUNCE TO COME CHECK THE CLIP BOARD AND PRINT YOUR NAME? I very nicely apologized to her that she had not been called but then I also explained we attempted to call her name several times and could not read it and we also made several announcements in regards to checking the clipboard to make sure your name was printed and clear. She just said, “Well, I thought mine was.” I then told her I would have to reschedule her appointment because I did not have an attorney available to see her that day because she missed her appointment. SHE WAS LIVID probably both because I told her she would have to reschedule and because of the manner in which I was speaking to her.  I was being very short and  --well, uh --rude.   We had a short exchange of words and I am not exactly sure how it came about but I finally said something to her like, “Well it’s obvious you can’t read or write!” As soon as I said that I heard the typing of the civilian secretary stop and out of the corner of my eye I could see the expression on her face was, “I can’t believe you just said that!” I pretty much could not believe I said it either but you know, it was already out there and I was not backing down. The woman started crying and saying she could not believe how badly she was being treated and asked to see my boss. The OIC was not in at the time so I went and got the attorney she was originally scheduled to see. This Captain was really nice and he was mostly on my side but he did say, “Sergeant, you really can’t talk to our clients that way.” He was right and I knew he was right. The Captain agreed to see the woman to take care of whatever legal matter she had come in for. Before she left, the Captain called me in and explained I owed the woman an apology and he was right, I really did need to apologize to her for not only what I said but also how I treated her. So I apologized but then I was crying and then she started crying again and both of us were just a mess.

In our sobs and tears, we said to each other:

“I’m sorry I said you couldn’t read or write –I was just frustrated with my job but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. “

“Its okay, Sergeant. You are pregnant and I understand how hard it must be for you. I really did think I printed my name clearly. I did read the sign. I hope you are okay now, I hope your baby is okay. I don’t want to see you cry.”

The poor Captain was just sitting at his desk watching this tearful exchange of apologies between us.  She was actually a very nice lady; well dressed, educated, well spoken.

The Captain apologetically wrote me up. He kept saying over and over, “I’m really sorry but I have to do this.” It was not that big of a deal. Getting written up is just documentation that you had been warned about something just in case the behavior continues. I deserved it. But even in being written up the Captain wrote that I was pregnant and going through stress both on and off the job and I ordinarily was very nice and professional to our clients but I just had a bad day. He explained to me though he understood the personal stress I was under that I needed to be more patient with the clients and if I was having a difficult time reading names I was to continue to make announcements for people to come check the board.

I knew I needed to find more patience and not take my frustrations out on our clients and I knew what I said to that woman was wrong. I also thought it was ridiculous people could not clearly print their name on a piece of paper.

There was another time I had no patience with a client. I had a soldier sitting at my desk waiting for me to type up a Power of Attorney for him. He had a big wad of tobacco in his mouth and as he is sitting there, he leans over and spits in my garbage can. I looked over at him with pure disgust and said, “Don’t do that again.” He apologized but then said, “But I need to spit.” It made me so angry and like I said, I was very low on patience, so I ripped his POA out of my typewriter and slammed it on my desk and said to him, “Then you can leave and go get rid of that wad of tobacco and come back when you’re ready to conduct business.” The OIC was walking by and all he heard was, “come back when you’re ready to conduct business.” And that must have seemed odd to him both in terms of what I was saying but also because the Soldier, a Staff Sergeant (E6) out ranked me. He stopped and asked me what was going on but he said it in such a tone and demeanor as if I had done something wrong –like he was ready to intervene and make me do my job. I picked up my garbage can, showed it to him and said, “He’s spitting his chew into my garbage can.” The Captain then looked at the Staff Sergeant and said, “Oh yeah, that is disgusting.” Then he walked away. The SSG left and returned in a few minutes without his wad. I finished his POA and sent him on his way.

Justice Served

I tried to talk to the woman to get a better understanding of what was going on in her marriage. Some of the things she told me were:

When her husband went to the field, which could be anywhere from a day to a month or more, he left her with nothing but a 30-pound bag of rice and when she would ask when he would be home he would tell her, “Before the rice runs out.”

Her husband refused to put her name on any bank accounts and she was not allowed to have any money. Anything she needed or wanted she had to ask for.

She was not allowed to drive or get a license. Her husband hid the car keys from her. He made her take the bus to our office but he was timing her and told her she needed to be back by a certain time. That is why she kept nervously looking around because she thought he was going to come after her.

She was not allowed to make any phone calls –he would track all calls being made from their phone.

She was not allowed to have any people over and the husband would periodically come home during the day to check up on her.

Basically, she was his prisoner –she cooked and cleaned for him and satisfied his physical desires and that is all she was allowed to do.

Nevertheless, for some reason, which I could not understand, she loved him and wanted to stay with him. Tears were just pouring down her face as she talked about him, tears that were as much about hurt and fear as much as love and devotion. The only reason she could tell me he wanted to leave her was, “He want new wife.” Without her actually saying so, I rather got the impression she felt she had two choices; stay with her husband or go back to Korea. She either did not have the means to return to Korea or she really just wanted to stay with her husband –maybe even that life was better than the one she previously had.

Now granted, I understand there are two sides to every story and what she was telling me may or may not have been the truth, or the whole truth but I knew her tears were genuine and more importantly, her fear was genuine. She really was afraid her husband was going to hurt her.

I knew this woman needed some help but I was not sure what to do for her . . .so I went to see my OIC. I explained the situation.

“Sergeant Dodge, you know if I am representing the husband I cannot talk to the wife. I just cannot and you should not be talking to her either. Give her a referral to The Hill and that’s all we can do –but if she thinks she’s in danger tell her to call 911.”

I went back out and tried to explain to the woman she needed to seek legal counsel at another office. The bus did not run to The Hill and she had no transportation to get there. She kept telling me, “If I don’t bring home signed papers my husband he beat me.” I went back to my OIC.

“Sir, I understand the conflict of interest but this woman needs help and we can’t just turn her away. Please, Sir, please talk to her or make some phone calls for her or something. What if she is right? What if she goes home without signing these papers and he hurts her? What if something bad happens to her?”

My OIC was insistent on doing nothing, claiming his hands were tied.

I went back out and told the woman to take the unsigned papers home and tell her husband JAG would not notarized them for her and if he had any questions he should come see his attorney or me. She kept saying repeatedly, “Husband will beat me.” Back to my OIC I went.

“Sir, he’s your client. Can’t you call him? Can’t you tell him his wife is not to sign any papers without legal representation? Can’t you do something?” He virtually wants to make her homeless. He wants her to leave with no job, no money --. Sir, how can we in good conscience let that happen? How can we allow her to sign these papers or how can we allow her to go home knowing she’s being threatened.”

“Well, he can’t threaten her like that so she just needs to tell him so and besides, we don’t know that he really did –that’s what she told you and Sergeant, I already told you I cannot discuss this case with you.”

“Its not about just a case Sir, it’s about a life. It is not right these soldiers can go over to Korea and get a wife that they treat like a disposable piece of property. She has legal rights and I think it is our job to protect them. Besides, hasn’t a crime been committed here? He communicated a threat.”

Finally my OIC relented, “Okay Sergeant Dodge, bring her in here. I will talk to her.”

The OIC said to her, “I am representing your husband so I cannot discuss the case with you nor can I give you legal advice, do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“But do you feel you are in danger . . . going to get hurt?”

“Yes.”

“Okay then, that’s all I need to know. You can step out now and Sergeant Dodge will be right with you.”

The woman went back out to my desk and my OIC said to me, “Call her husband’s 1SG and let him know what the situation is then notify the MP’s (military police).” As I was leaving his office I thought to myself, “Geesh! Was that so difficult to do?”

With great satisfaction, I went back out to my desk, looked up the Soldier’s unit, and called his 1SG. After I explained the situation, 1SG was yelling, “WHAT? THAT DIRT-BAG SON-OF-A *****! NO SOLDIER OF MINE IS GOING TO BE A WIFE BEATER. THIS ARMY AINT’ BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM AND I AND TRUST ME, I’VE BEEN AROUND A LOT LONGER THAN HIM. I’LL KICK HIS WIFE BEATING ASS FROM HERE TO . . “

I interrupted, “Well 1SG, I’m not saying he did beat her and I’m only conveying to you what his wife told us but I’m really just calling to let you know I am going to call the MP’s. They will conduct their own investigation, I’m sure.”

“I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS ABOUT NO **** MP’S . . I AINT’ GONNA HAVE NO DIRT-BAG WIFE BEATING SOLDIER IN MY UNIT! Thank you Sergeant, for calling. Please inform Mrs. So-in-so I’m sending my driver over to pick her up and take her home and you let her know Soldiers aren’t in the business of beating wives, not real Soldiers.”

After I hung up with the 1SG, I called the MP’s. They said they would send someone right over to our office to get a statement from the wife. I told them the 1SG was sending a driver to pick the wife up and they told me to keep her here until they got here. I then called the 1SG back and told him not to send the driver and he said he himself would be right over.

In the meantime, I guess the soldier was getting anxious for his wife to return with the signed papers and being it was taking much longer than he thought it should have, he came looking for her. I am sitting at my desk and in he struts, sees his wife at my desk and comes on over asking if the papers were signed yet. I told him no and he wanted to know what the hold up was. I said to him, “I’m not at liberty to say but if you’d like to have a seat and wait, we’ll be right with you. Your 1SG and the MP’s are on their way over.” The soldier lost all color in his face and was pretending he had no idea why . . . .he nervously looks around and asked, “Is my attorney here? Can I see him?” I told I would find out. I went to my OIC and he said he didn’t want to talk to the guy because he was not a defense attorney so there was really nothing he could do –he said, “The MP’s and 1SG will handle it from here.”

It wasn’t long before the 1SG and MP’s and another Sergeant from the soldier’s unit showed up. I directed them to a conference room they could use.

It was several weeks later I was having a conversation with Crim Law about some cases and the Specialist said to me, “We’re prosecuting this one guy that used to leave his wife and kids home with nothing but a 30-pound bag of rice.” I smiled and said, “Oh really?”

Justice served.

The Korean Woman

Legal Assistance was constantly busy. We would close for lunch every day at noon and when we got back at 1pm, we would have a line waiting at the door. We took both scheduled appointments and walk-ins. The flow of people never stopped. The phone calls never stopped. It was crazy.

I was the NCOIC of Legal Assistance, which is not saying much since I was the only enlisted soldier that worked there. We had a civilian secretary and 3 or 4 attorneys. The work was very mundane and repetitive. I liked working with the soldiers more so than the civilians –it made me feel like I was still part of the Army because other than being in uniform, working in Legal Assistance at Ft. Riley felt a lot like a civilian job. I was very disconnected from the troops and I did not like that.

Well, I was disconnected from military things in part because of my work at JAG but other reasons too, which I will tell you about later. Today I promised to tell you about one of our military spouses that came in.

I was a notary and so much of what I did all day long (ALL! DAY! LONG!) was notarize documents. That was boring. I did not much like the Legal Separations because rarely did someone come in and just say, “I’d like a legal separation from my spouse.” End of story –no, they had to tell you why and what happened and what a lousy worthless person their spouse was. I did not mind them needing to chat and vent but after a while, all the stories sounded the same and they always wanted you to be on their side, agree with them. It was almost as if they wanted you to validate their decision. I was not allowed to dispense legal advice nor was I able to express my personal opinions so sometimes it just was hard to deal with.

I will never forget the Korean woman that came in. She was very shy and timid, spoke very quietly and acted a bit paranoid. I noticed her odd behavior right away. It was so odd I wondered if perhaps she might have been on drugs. She seemed afraid to make eye contact and yet, her eyes would dart around the room suspiciously looking at people. She was very jumpy and as soon as someone would walk into our waiting room a panic look would come over her face.

Though our waiting room was divided from our work areas, there certainly was not any privacy. When someone came in either for a scheduled appointment or as a walk-in, they would sign in on a clipboard. The civilian secretary and I would call people up to our desk and determine what they needed. If there were there to see an attorney, we started a file on them (or if they had previously been in, we pulled their file). If it was a walk-in, we had to squeeze them in to see one of the attorneys between scheduled appointments.

When I called the Korean woman up immediately I could tell she was hoping for some privacy. She sat down in the chair next to my desk, and she kept looking behind her and over her shoulder as if she expected someone to come up from behind her. I sat down at my desk and asked how I could help her. She looked to her left, to her right and then behind her. She was nervously wringing her hands as she very slowly and deliberately leaned forward to whisper to me. I too leaned in a bit to get closer, she said to me in her very thick Korean accent, and broken English, “Husband leave me."  Then she handed me some papers which were all too familiar to me.  Her husband had been in and had a legal separation drawn up.  I knew right then her husband had been in our office for counsel so I should have sent her away but I already did that to one woman that was in need of help and I didn't want to do that again.   Besides, it wasn't like we were a legal practice --these were Army attorneys.  In Germany we also did legal separations for both spouses as long as each attorney didn't discuss the case, outside of the normal legal realm, it was fine.  I think my OIC's policy of not seeing both spouses in our office was unreasonable.  I really think it was more about cutting down the volume of work our office did.

She was difficult to understand both in terms of her accent and the fact that she kept whispering and looking around.  I finally was able to understand what was going on.  Her husband had legal separation papers drawn up with the intention of following through with a divorce.  The couple had children; at least one but I don't remember how many.  I read the papers and the husband was trying to get over and take advantage of the fact that his wife didn't understand English very well and didn't know her way around the Army and the US enough to have resources to help her.  The only reason she even came to JAG was because he told her to sign the paper work and it needed to be notarized.

The paperwork stated the wife was not seeking spousal support and did not want custody of the children.  It also stated the wife did not want any marital property, etc.  Basically, the husband wanted her to walk out of the marriage with the clothes on her back and without her children.  It was clear to me this is not what she wanted.  I explained what the papers said and tears were just flowing down her face.  She loved her husband and wanted to stay with him.  I gave her a quick summary of the legal separation and asked, "Is that what you want?"  She shook her head no.  I told her not to sign the papers.  But you know, I knew I was treading on thin ice here --I mean the last time I advised someone not to sign papers that didn't work out well for him --poor soldier.  I'm not legally allowed to give advice and our office was not supposed to be talking to this woman.  I understood I was breaking all of the rules but I just couldn't send this woman away.

After I told her not to sign papers she looked like she wanted to tell me something but hesitated.   After a pause she told me her husband threatened her.  He told her if she didn't come home with the papers signed and notarized he was going to beat her.  She went on to describe to me the things he threatened to do to her if she did not sign the papers.

So now I'm defiantly not sending this woman away until I know she has help.  I'm sorry (stupid) solider but you can't threaten your wife into signing a legal separation she doesn't want AND you can't take her children away from her.  It really doesn't work that way.

Legal Assistance Ft. Riley Style

Besides the Sergeants at the in processing center, I didn't tell anyone at Ft. Riley that I was pregnant.  It was kind of awkward, you know just meeting people and what was I supposed to say, "Nice to meet you.  I'm Sergeant Dodge  . . . and I'm pregnant."  Besides, I was still coming to terms with the news myself.

I was getting settled into my new duty station and liking really nothing about it. I only had a few personal things with me as my shipment from Germany had not yet arrived.  I remember one Saturday afternoon I was so bored in my room so I went out to find something to do.  I ended up at the library but it was quite small and nothing of interest for me to check out.  There was some sort of TV room or --something so I sat in there for a while watching Saturday afternoon sports, this particular day it was woman's gymnastics.  I was so bored.

Legal Assistance was non-stop madness. The 1st Infantry Division was getting ready to deploy for REFORGER (Return of Forces to Germany).  It was a huge annual exercise the Army conducted in well uh, in Germany.  When I was at 1st AD our Division also participated in REFORGER but I was never involved in any of that, I stayed behind at headquarters.

So before a soldier can deploy all of his/her personal business has to be in order.  Soldiers are required to have a Last Will and Testament and any applicable Power of Attorney, leaving legal authority for someone to conduct your stateside business in your absence.  This could cover but not be limited to; registering your vehicles, banking, signing leases, etc.  If you were dual military parents (both Mom and Dad in military) or a single military parent you also had to arrange for care for your children and have medical power of attorney for their care, etc.  Besides the obvious military preparations that were required for such a major deployments, every soldier had to get their personal business in order too.

Enter Legal Assistance.  That's what we were there for --assist the soldiers.  Many of them would make an appointment and come into the office but often times we, a JAG attorney and myself, would go to the units and set up shop for an hour or two.  JAG was also required to be at each deployment site for any last minute legal matters that came up.  Most of these deployments were 2 or 3am so I'd have to be up and in uniform and literally have a field table and manual typewriter set up right at the deployment site.  Luckily for me, this duty was shared through out the entire division JAG offices (the battalions and brigades) so I wasn't required to be at all of them.  Doing one of them was quite enough, if you ask me.

What I liked about Legal Assistance is that you really were helping soldiers.  Though I wasn't allowed to give any legal advice, I often would ask a soldier to reconsider a choice he made.  For instance, some soldiers would name a person as executor of their will or beneficiary of their insurance and when I'd ask the relation to them a solider would say, "That's my girl friend."  Red flag.  "Soldier, how long have you been dating this girl?"  You would be surprised to know that more often times than not, the relationship had been very short term.  In one instance, a soldier told me he just met the girl the weekend before and when I urged him to reconsider he said, "But you don't understand, I'm going to marry her when I get back."  My boss, the OIC (Officer in Charge) of Legal Assistance didn't necessarily like me trying to advise the soldiers and not necessarily for any legal reason but for time sake because we could literally have 100 or more soldiers waiting to be seen.  Sometimes if the line wasn't moving very fast my OIC would say to me, "Sergeant, less advising, more typing."  But when I thought a young soldier was making a poor choice, I couldn't just let that go.  I'd ask the soldier, "Are your parents alive?  Siblings?"

More so that the Will, the real killer was the General Power of Attorney.  I saw time and time again where a soldier gave his pretty little girlfriend of two weeks a General Power of Attorney and by the time that soldier got back on US soil his bank account was depleted, credit cards maxed out, bills unpaid, cars repossessed, etc.  It was shameful how these soldiers would deploy in service to their country and these girls would just totally wipe them out.  I'm certain too that the girls knew exactly what they were doing --they knew how to hook them a solider and they knew the ropes.  Once I saw that happening quite frequently, I was more apt to speak up and try to get a soldier to change his mind.  In the long run, it was the soldier's decision to make and even in some regards, the parents were the ones taking advantage of their deployed sons so you know, you just had to ask a lot of questions and try to lead the soldier in the right direction.

One time this really young soldier came in.  He couldn't have yet been 19.  So he comes in and needs a power of attorney but yet he doesn't want one.  He had seen some of his buddies get screwed over.  So he comes in and said his First Sergeant sent him to JAG and told him he had no choice but to get a POA.  Right away something didn't seem right so I started asking a lot of questions.  He didn't have any family members.  He had been raised in and tossed about in the foster care system his entire childhood and had no real family of his own to claim.  He was giving full POA to his girlfriend but I could tell he was very uncomfortable with it.  So I advised him, which was legally true, that he did not have to have a POA at all and I told him his First Sergeant couldn't make him do it.  I said, "If you aren't comfortable signing this document you don't have to do that."  He seemed so relieved when he heard that so then he went back to his unit and told his 1SG the JAG Sergeant said he didn't have to have a POA.  It was no time at all before I got a phone call and this 1SG was SCREAMING at me, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TELLING MY SOLDIER WHAT HE DOES OR DOES NOT NEED?  I WON'T HAVE SOME SNOT NOSED SERGEANT E5 TELLING MY SOLDIERS WHAT THEY DO OR DO NOT NEED.  I'M SENDING THAT SOLDIER BACK DOWN TO JAG AND IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU, MY SOLDIER WILL COME BACK WITH A POA.  DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, SERGEANT E5?"    A short while later this poor soldier comes back in looking like a whipped puppy dog with his tail between his legs.  He came in and said, "1SG sent me back."  I felt so bad for him.  I guess he got chewed out pretty badly and it was all my fault.  So I typed his POA up and got him all "squared away".  I thought about him for a long time after that.

That was the soldier side of Legal Assistance.  We also had a civilian side and that was 90% domestic matters, mostly doing a Legal Separation for soldiers.  Legally, it was a complete divide of marital property, spousal support, child custody, etc only the marriage was still legally in tact.  Because of a conflict of interest, we could only represent one spouse and the other spouse had to seek legal counsel from another Legal Assistance office that we called "The Hill" because the office was situated at the top of a hill.  So our office would represent the first one that came in.  One time a wife came in and she told me she wanted a legal separation.  When I looked in our files I saw that her husband had already been in our office for counsel so I tried to explain to her we could not help her but that she could go to another attorney.  She was a Hispanic woman that spoke very little English so she really wasn't understanding what I was trying to tell her.  She thought I was telling her she couldn't get a Legal Separation and then she started crying and begging me to help her.  She kept saying, "But he cheating on me, he cheating!"  I tried to calm her down and explain to her she just needed to go to another office.  She's crying and all hysterical and reaches into her purse.  I had a moment of panic as I wasn't sure what exactly she was going for --she pulls out this huge stack of pictures, throws them onto my desk and yells, alternating speaking in Spanish and English, "LOOK!  I TELL YOU --HE CHEATER.  HE CHEATING!"  I pick up the pile of pictures and I quickly slammed them down onto my desk and grabbed and envelope and started stuffing them into it.  "Ma'me, you shouldn't be showing these to people.  Where did you get these?"  Through her broken English I was finally able to understand she found them under her mattress.  She went to change the bed sheets and found these pictures stuffed in between the mattress and box spring.  She absolutely refused to leave and took the pictures back out of the envelope and was shoving them in my face and saying, "LOOK WHAT HE DO TO ME.  LOOK!  WE HAVE FAMILY!  WE HAVE KIDS!"

The stack of pictures were of her husband having sex with other women . . . very pornographic horrible pictures.  She refused to leave and she kept waving these pictures around so I went to my OIC and tried to get him to come out and help me.  He refused.  As soon as I told him he was representing the husband he said, "Sergeant, you know I can't go out there and talk to her and you've already told me too much.  There's nothing we can do.  If she doesn't understand English we can't help her.  You need to get her to leave.  Give her the referral to The Hill.  That's all we can do."

I was infuriated!  I felt so helpless.  I finally got her to leave but I don't think she really ever understood what I was trying to tell her.  She took the referral paper with her, hopefully she got legal help.

There was another woman that came in for help that I'll never forget.  She was Korean and also spoke broken English and also was seeking a legal separation from her soldier husband.  I'll never forget her.

You'll meet her tomorrow.

Dear Jerry

If you notice when my Mom was talking to me she had to stop and ask me for words.  I noticed she did this a few times while I was in Florida visiting her but I easily dismissed it like those moments when you have a word on the tip of your tongue and you just can't find it.  We all have those moments.

When I was talking to her on the phone, well that did not stick out to me either since the situation was very emotional and stressful and she was talking much faster than her brain probably could think.  So though I was aware of what was happening, I had no reason to believe it was anything but ordinary.

What I did not know at the time is that my mother had been experiencing some headaches and often found herself not able to find a certain word.  She had been sharing these things with my older sister, Val and though there was some cause to be concerned, no one really was alarmed.  Even so, my Mom was going to the doctor and trying to figure out the source of the problem.

With my most recent news, which quickly spread though the family like wildfire, Mom's problem was over shadowed for a little while with all the focus and attention on me --

It wasn't the kind of spotlight I really wanted.  But there I was in the spotlight and every single family member had their own opinion and unfortunately, every single family member felt the need to express their opinion to me.  There were too many voices coming from too many different directions and I was tying to hear them all, please them all.  In fairness to them and the privacy of our family, I'm not going to expound much on that but I will say, it was a difficult time for me to filter through all of that.

Remember my family had no idea I was even dating anyone and I was intentionally vague and misleading in that regard.  In addition to the pregnancy news, they were also digesting the fact that this man, this unknown person was black.  I didn't grow up in a very culturally diverse community so we were all treading on unfamiliar territory.  For all of the things I regret the most, I regret how all of this just dropped onto my family's lap.  My mother was the only family member I personally delivered the news to.

What kept nagging at my heart the most is that I had no way of contacting Newsome.  Shortly after I left Germany he moved out of his apartment and back into the barracks, a money saving effort.  So like myself, he was without a phone or means to make a long distance call -- and if you think a state-to-state long distance call was expensive, calling overseas was practically unaffordable.  Even if it was possible for me to use the call center, there was the time difference to contend with, the gamble that Newsome would even be home at the time of the call, and the amount of time it took the CQ runner to get the call, walk through the barracks to Newsome's room then Newsome get to the desk to take the call.  I could be 10 minutes into the call before I even got to talk to Newsome.  A call could easily cost me $100 without ever talking to him and it could take several attempts before I successfully reached him.

I finally got through in processing and was assigned to Headquarters Company, 1st Infantry Division.  Since I was an NCO, I got my own private room in the barracks.  That was nice but it wasn't exactly home sweet home.  The showers were an improvement from the big shower room with no private stalls in the barracks in Germany but let's face it, this was still barracks living;  privacy was minimal and it was a bustle of noise and constant activity.  I had a very small room with one twin bed and a wall locker.  That was it.  The walls were cinder block, cold tile floors --kind of like living in a cell without bars.

I was assigned to Division JAG and much to my disappointment, I ended up in Legal Assistance.  Though working Legal Assistance in the states was much different from overseas, I still didn't like it.  My sickness only got worse.  I was throwing up all of the time, unable to eat and only able to barely take sips of water here and there.  I had about 4 hours in the afternoon where I felt good but other than that, I was sick all of the time.  That certainly didn't help matters both in terms of feeling well and having clarity of mind.

In all of this that was going on, I still had to come to terms that I was having a baby.  I was at a new duty station, living in the barracks, dealing with my family, feeling sick, unable to eat, transitioning to a new job but most of all, worried about how I was going to reach Newsome.

Having ruled out the possibility of a phone call and a face-to-face meeting not possible either, I decided the only way to communicate the news was . . .  a letter.

So one night while alone in my barracks room, I wrote a letter.

Dear Jerry,