Going Home

Arriving stateside was wonderful.  I had the best time in Florida with my Mom and step Dad Bob.  They took me out to eat, shopping and during the day when my Mom had to work, I hung out on the beach.  My Mom kept pressing me for information about who I might be dating.  I relented and told her I was indeed dating someone.  She asked me a thousand questions, as mothers would do, and I answered them as best I could but as mothers do, she sensed I was withholding something.  She asked me, "So, do you have a picture of him?"  Awe, too bad --no I did not have a picture.  Then she asked me, "Well, then describe him, what does he look like?"

Not sure what I wanted to say or how to answer that question, I paused then finally said, "Oh Mom, he's every girl's dream --tall, dark and handsome."

I was so tickled with myself that I cleverly skirted the truth without lying.  I mean, Newsome was tall, dark and handsome.  I didn't lie.

Heading to Chicago, I was reunited with most of my family.  When asked the question about if I might be dating someone, I answered yes.  When asked what he looked like I gave the same answer, "Tall, dark and handsome."  When asked if we were serious I'd say, "I suppose as serious as you can be thousands of miles apart for a full year."  That usually ended the conversation pretty quickly, for which I was happy.

Much like when I first got to Germany, I wasn't feeling well when I got home.  I was tired and dizzy and had no appetite.  I had a good time with my family, don't get me wrong, but I just didn't feel like myself.  Having experienced the same thing when I first got to Germany, I just figured it was jet lag and in a few weeks I'd be feeling fne.

After my Chicago visit I drove down to Eastern Illinois University where my youngest sister was a student.  I spent a couple of nights with her.  It was there I really began to feel worse to the point I wondered if jet lag really was the only problem.  From Eastern Illinois I drove down to Missouri and spent a few days with my grandparents.  I had a very relaxing few days with them in their sleepy little town of East Prairie, Missouri.  I'll never forget the morning I left, heading out to Kansas, with my grandparents standing on their back step waving to me.  My grandmother was still in her pajamas and robe.  When I left Grandpa teasingly said to me, "Keep your head low, watch out for them bullets."

What I didn't know then was that would be the last time my grandfather would speak to me.

In fact, there were a lot of things going on that I didn't know.  People were sick.  I was sick.  I was doing my best to hide how sick I was from my family.  No one really knew and if they questioned me I just told them I was tired from the trip, lots of travel and time changes.

Driving the long, dry deserted roads to Kansas I could feel something wasn't right.  I didn't feel well and though this was a lot like the jet lag I experienced in Germany, it wasn't quite the same.  I was worried but decided I'd not say anything to anyone until I knew something for certain.

After signing into my unit at Ft. Riley, Kansas, I got very ill one day and was taken by ambulance to the military hospital.  Soon after arriving at ER they stuck an IV in me and told me I was very dehydrated.  They asked me a bunch of questions but I was kind of weak and out of it.  When I told them I just returned from overseas they became concerned and started honing in on things I ate, places I had been, etc.  I was asked about my layovers, water I drank, food I ate, any food I might have purchased, if I had been on a farm or been around any farm animals, if I bought any produce from a foreign country, what air line I was on, etc. etc.

I tried my best to answer all of their questions but I was weak and tired.  I just wanted to sleep.  I remember being poked and prodded --needles taking blood, needles giving fluids, blood pressure, temperature, questions, questions, questions. . . . finally they said they were going run some tests and I should rest.  I think I fell asleep immediately.

What seemed like hours later, a nurse and doctor came back into the room holding my chart. They were trying to wake me up and the nurse was holding my hand.  Why was she holding my hand?  It must be bad news.  The doctor stood over me, "Sergeant Dodge?  Are you awake?  Do you understand me?  I need to talk to you."

I knew then it was bad.  I was pretty alert and sat up looking at the doctor, wishing the nurse would let go of my hand.  The doctor continued,

"Sergeant Dodge, we know why you're sick.  We got the test results back."

Good Bye, Germany

Leaving Germany was strange.  I spent my entire tour there wishing for home and now that it was time to leave, I was so torn.  I really didn't see how things could possibly work out between me and Newsome.  It was a constant emotional struggle for me.

And I was afraid of reporting to a new unit.  Besides training, Germany was all I knew of the Army.  I felt like a private again.

There was nothing more exciting to me than going home to see my family.  It was so long awaited.  It was so terrifying.

I will never forget the day I left Germany.  My emotions were so mixed they almost canceled each other out making me just numb and void inside.  Newsome took me to the airport, of course.  He waited with me until I boarded the plane.  Well, the passengers that had tickets went into a separate waiting area but we were behind a glass window so we could see out.  Newsome stood there by the window just watching me--waiting for me to board.  I tried not to look at him much --it made me too sad.

Before we parted each other he told me I'd see him in six months.  He promised me in six months he'd come to Kansas to see me.  Just six months.  He told me just hold on for six months.

As we were called to board the plane I got into line and handed my ticket to the flight attendant.  Just as I was ready to board I turned around to look for Newsome.  I wasn't sure if he was still there.

And he was.

He was standing there pressed tightly against the glass, watching me.  He had six fingers held up against the glass and I could read his lips saying, "Six months, just six, months."

I turned and walked away with a sinking feeling in my gut.

I was leaving something behind but what I didn't know and couldn't know, I was taking something with me too.

More Pictures

Basic Training just after we graduated!

AIT in Indianapolis.  This was JAG school at Ft. Benjamin Harrison, IN.  We got bused each morning to this old elementary school.  I'm on the left --yes there's actually someone shorter than me!!!

This was shortly after I arrived in Germany.  I went for a drive on the Autobahn with a soldier from my unit.  We stopped at this rest stop type place.

Not sure why I look so mad --or maybe just scared.  I was getting promoted to PFC, I think.

I was dressed up for our company holiday dinner party.  This was taken in the barracks.

Me being silly in Munich.

Holland

On the Eiffel Tower in Paris

Off to Kansas

I called DA (Department of the Army) asking for a stateside assignment ANYWHERE close to Chicago.  As much as I enjoyed the Army and being in Germany, I longed for home.  I was torn between those two lives I had: home and the Army.  I came down on orders for the First Infantry Division, Fort Riley, Kansas -- known as The Big Red One, a highly decorated unit.  I would be assigned to the Headquarters company working at the Division JAG.  I was neither excited nor disappointed.  Kansas certainly was closer to home than Germany and it was within driving distance.  I had a Dodge Colt that I bought brand new prior to going into the Army --my sister had been using it while I was away and I was going to go home and reclaim it, take it to Kansas with me--hit the road, Jack.

Newsome and I devised a plan.  We were both going to fill out our dream sheet --they call it "dream sheet" because it rarely comes to fruition but anyway, we both were going to put in a request for an assignment to Hawaii when we finished the next year --me in Kansas and him in Germany.

Oh, so I guess I forgot to mention Newsome talked me into re-enlisting so after we got married we'd request joint domicile (being stationed at the same place together).  I mean, I had not yet reenlisted but I was going to once I got to my new duty station.  That was our big plan --he'd finish up his year in Germany, I'd do a year in Kansas then we'd both try to get assigned to Hawaii and someplace in between all that, there would be a wedding.  I don't know, being young and in love gives you such a dreamy outlook on life, doesn't it?  As I sit here now and type that up --it all seems so dumb to me --so fairytale like.

I still had not told anyone in my family about Newsome --I was too chicken.  I thought it odd me planning on marrying someone my family didn't even know about and so there was this tiny voice within me that kept thinking it was never actually going to happen.  I felt odds were against us --many odds and in fact, so many things pulling us apart more so than pushing us together.

Newsome had already been married once and had a son.  I decided that I would not blog about any of that because that involves someone else's life that I don't feel I have to the right to broadcast.  But all of that definitely played a significant role in my relationship with Newsome --even at times threatened to break us up.

I wasn't doing much in JAG --Legal Assitance was boring!  I wasn't even going to formations or PT anymore --or I'd make an appearance every now and then.  I had a bad case of short-timers attitude!  I was leaving.  That's all that mattered.  It seemed strange to me that I spent over a year longing to be home and wishing for nothing but home and now that it was time to leave I wasn't sure I wanted to go.

But things were so different.  I hated Legal Assitance.  Connie was gone.  I hated living alone.  I didn't know hardly anyone around the company any more.  I was afraid of going off to Ft. Riley by myself.  I was afraid of leaving Newsome. It was such a confusing time for me.

When I left Germany my plan was to fly into Florida to spend time with my Mom.  Then I'd fly to Chicago to see the rest of the family and pick up my car.  From there I'd drive to Missouri and spend time with my grandparents then off to Kansas.  Of course you know, I'd somehow find a way to work Newsome into the dinner conversations.

Wow!  Dinner looks great!  I'm so happy to be home now.  I loved Germany.  I got to go to London, Paris, Austria, Amsterdam, the Black Forest, Switzerland . . .many other places too.  I got promoted to Sergeant and graduated from PLDC!  I lived in the barracks then got my own apartment, I'm dating a black man that has been married and has a son, I learned some Germany, drove on the autobahn at top speed, met people from all over the world, worked on some big high-profile cases in Crim Law . . .can you pass the potatoes please?"

Maybe I could just say all that really really fast.

What's Next?

My time in Germany was winding down.  Connie left so I was in the apartment alone.  There were so many new people in the barracks I really didn't know too many of them.  That's how it gets to be when its your turn to leave --everyone you knew is already gone. 

I hated Legal Assistance.  It was boring.  Very boring.  I went to my Master Sergeant and told him how bored I was and that there was nothing for me to do --he told me to do whatever I wanted.  So I did.

I'd go over to Newsome's office and chat with him.  I did some out processing basically, a lot of walking around.  Occasionally I'd have to help a soldier with a legal assistance issue but mostly I was just hanging out.

My PCS was starting to haunt me.  I was confused about leaving Newsome and where our relationship would go.  He still had a full year in Germany and I had a full year in the states.  I had considered extending my tour and staying in Germany for another year but I didn't want one duty station to be all I knew about the Army.  I already knew I wasn't going to make it a career so I wanted to experience as much of the Army as I could.  Besides, I was still terribly homesick and the thought of another year in Germany made me depressed.

But the thought of a year without Newsome  made me equally depressed.   I had no idea what to do.  I had no idea what was next.

Remember PLDC?  You thought we were done with that, huh?

Just not so.

There's a reason I spent so much time on PLDC in fact, it was pivotal in my life.  Well its true there was just a lot that went on while I was there but behind the scenes something else was going on ---something I was not aware of until after I graduated.

Remember this post?  Melissa's Unmilitary Moment?   There's a reason I had to post that.

You see, its important to know that part of me--that insecure girl that was inside of me, afraid and wanting to feel safe, to feel taken care of . . .

And there was that soldier part of me that desperately tried to keep up.  I respected the Army.  I did, a lot.  But sometimes the irony was trying to be that strong soldier being independent and strong to satisfy that inner longing I had.

It didn't quite work.

But then I graduated PLDC and I couldn't wait to tell SSG Newsome all of these stories.  Maybe that's why I remember them so well, even as they were happening I was archiving them in my memory to be certain I could recall them to Newsome.

And then just in the middle of telling him all about PLDC --he would finish my statements or stories.  And I was confused.  How did he know?

He knew because he was there, every day --every single day.  Remember the Commandant of the school?  The Sergeant Major?  He was a good friend of Newsome's.  So Newsome would come to school every day and Sergeant Major would tell him how things were going for me --and when things were going tough Newsome would say, "You have to let me see her, just for a few minutes."

But Sergeant Major would always tell him no --until that one time you know, when Newsome came in and sort-of-kind-of proposed to me.

And when I was telling Newsome about the struggles I first had with marching he started telling me the things I was doing wrong and --how did he know?  He knew because he said --

"I was there every day watching you.  I'd drive up here and just sit across the street in my blazer watching you.  I wanted to protect you and just do it for you--but I couldn't.  I'd talk out loud to you hoping someone you'd hear me.  Every day I came and every day I watched you."

Map Reading?  When the instructors were all standing at the last point?  Just before then Newsome had gone to the instructors, also friends of his, and asked them to watch out for me.  They were all there because Newsome asked them to be.

And you see, this was huge to me.  Just huge.  Because having never felt taken care of or safe my entire life --here was this man and without me asking or knowing he was protecting me and watching out for me.  It open the deepest recesses of my heart.  This big burden that was upon me my entire life was lifted and gone.  I no longer had to worry about myself because he was worried for me.  The walls I had built up for so long just crumbled, crumbled there at his feet and it left me emotionally raw and vulnerable.

And it changed everything.  Absolutely everything.

Pictures

It seems like I already posted this one.  This was our first SJA office and here I am in my glory in Crim Law.  The board behind me we used to update cases, pretrial confinement, etc.  One of the projects I did when I got to Crim Law was get all those updates formatted into a word processing system.  This is the infamous desk the every lovely Mrs. W sat at.  The (ugly) gray chair in the right of the picture is what I used to reach the boards!  :)  SGT Y took this picture sitting at his own desk --our desks faced each other so that Garfield and framed picture is not mine --just so you know.

This is when we moved over to the new building.  I'm at my "computer"!  It was just a word processor you could save documents onto a disk.  That monstrosity to the right is the printer.  It was huge.

Ah PLDC graduation.  I'm barely in the picture there but you know, the only female so there I am on the right.  I started not to post this picture of this motley crew!  I think we were supposed to be marching but no one is lined up and we are all looking down, for some reason.  I have some vague recollection that right after this shot we all got yelled at and had to reform ---but its only vague.  I think the real problem was that I wasn't marching them!!!!

Legal Assistance

When this last run in with the ever lovely Mrs. W happened I was very close to my ETS date, in other words, it was time for me to leave Germany.  You have to out processes from any unit and that can take up to two weeks, especially overseas.  I wasn't quite that close to leaving --but close enough.

The next day I was called into the Master Sergeant's office and he told me it was time to leave Crim Law.  He might as well told me it was time to put up my child I had taken care of for 18 months.  Crim Law WAS my baby.  And though the Master Sergeant was trying to pretend I just needed to move on because it was soon time for me to leave, I knew SSG W and I could no longer work together.  I kept asking MSG what I did wrong and he assured me nothing --I pleaded with him to be straight with me.  He told me the Captain had come to him and told him what happened and under the circumstances, he felt SSG W was no longer able to be impartial and fair in any treatment towards me and that he was not trying to punish me but protect me.  I told him I felt SSG W should be the one to get reassigned, no me but he explained because of SSG W's rank, he had no other position to give him and there were other places I could move to.

I got reassigned to Legal Assistance which I HATED!  We had one civilian attorney that was a very very very strange man.  He was kind of creepy like.  I didn't like him.  We had a civilian secretary---more on her later.  We also had a Germany attorney but she never talked to anyone.  She'd go to her office, shut the door and be in there all day --never surfacing for air.  I'm not sure what she even did but on occasion we'd hear here sputtering German so I assumed she did some phone work --or just talked to herself.  Sometimes she'd ask something of the secretary but very rarely.  She never once spoke one word to me or even acknowledged my presence in the office.  Like I said, I HATED Legal Assistance.  And other than covering the phones while the secretary went to lunch, there was absolutely NOTHING for me to do.

I hated it!!!

She Totally Berated Him

It was past the end of the duty day and only three of us were left in the building; myself, SSG W and one of the Captains.  I was wrapping things up and getting ready to leave when I heard SSG W on the phone and though I only heard one side of the conversation, I could tell he was talking to his wife.  His side of the conversation went something like this:

Alright just come on over

Yeah, she's here

Of course she will, she will do what I tell her to do, I'm her boss

No, don't worry about it --like I said, I'm her boss  --she has no choice

Okay so I'm already angry now because I knew he was talking to his wife and I was infuriated he was going to miss use his rank and position.  I pretended I didn't hear the conversation and as I got ready to leave SSG W said, "I need you to hang back a minute.  There's someone that needs to see you and take care of something."

I was scared because well --I felt there weren't enough witnesses and I was afraid Mrs. W was going to come in and throw down.  I expected the very worst of both of these characters and though the Captain was in the building, he was in a smaller office a bit down the hall with his door partially closed.  I sat at my desk waiting, worrying and my anger was gaining momentum . . none of which is a good combination!

I heard the front door open and soon I heard the clickity clack of plastic high heels striking the floor.  I could practically smell the over use of perfume and hear the plastic jewelry clashing against one another as Mrs. W's steps were fierce and with a purpose of vengeance.  I looked over at SSG W as if to be shocked at who the person coming in was and he said, "My wife has something she wants to say to you."  I was so mad at myself because this anger was threatening to translate into tears.  Crying is my outward expression of any intense emotion.  When I laugh, I cry.  When I'm fully of joy, I cry.  When I am hurt, I cry.  You get the picture.  I knew I needed to defuse the situation but the click-clack was ever near and I needed to make a decision fast.  I turned to SSG W and said, "You can't make me stay for this.  I have nothing to say to your wife and you have no authority to make me."  So much for defusion --all that did was anger SSG W.  He replied with something like he could make me do whatever he wanted to --I realized talking to him would get me no where so I headed down to the Captain's office.  Well, I basically barged into the Captain's office but on my way I passed the ever lovely Mrs. W and she yelled out to her husband, "Where does she think she's going?"

I barged into the Captains' office and said --or maybe yelled or desperately pleaded ---"I just need a witness that SSG W gave me an UNLAWFUL order and I'm leaving."   I think the Captain heard most of what had been going on.  He stepped out of his office, barely as being the man of short stature as he was, I think he too was a little afraid of the throw down Mrs. W was capable of.  Very nicely and with a bit if intimidation the Captain said, "SSG W, this really does seem personal ---why don't you take this up on your own time."

With that I didn't even turn around and look at either SSG W or the ever lovely Mrs. W.  I kept walking towards to exit and the whole time I overheard Mrs. W trying to reprimand her husband. . . .

Are you going to let her walk out of here like that?  What kind of NCO are you anyway?  Do you not have authority to make her come back?  You go make her come back!!!  How are you going to let her walk all over you like that?  Who does she think she is?  You out rank her . . . . 

I walked out the door and onto my apartment --still steaming with anger --still feeling the need to burst into tears.  One one hand, I was furious but on the other hand, I felt sorry for SSG W --just a little --I mean, Mrs. W totally ruled the roost in that family and she had no regard for his feelings, manhood, position, rank, authority . . . she totally berated him.

When I got to my apartment I found Newsome waiting for me.  He could tell I was upset and asked me what happened --he knew of the history with the ever lovely Mrs. W.  I literally fell into his arms and just burst into tears --big tears, a big cry.  The kind of cry where you just let it all out --the old and the new.  I cried for what happened, what didn't happen and what could have happened.

Taking Care of Business

One Saturday Connie and I had gone to the PX.  It was a two story building with clothing upstairs and other miscellaneous items on the lower level.  We had already been upstairs and Connie wanted to pick up something else so I was waiting for her on the lower level near the entrance, which was near the stairs to the upper level.  I really wasn't doing anything but standing around and who should walk in?  SSG and Mrs. W.

At first I wasn't sure what to do because I knew no matter what it was it was going to be wrong.  If I said hello it wouldn't be in the right tone.  If I didn't say hello it would be like the time at the post office.  This time I was in closer proximity from them.  The post office situation I would have had to either leave my place in line or yell to say hello but this time at the PX, the pair walked right by me.  I decided I wasn't going to say anything because you know, they didn't speak to me either.  Mrs. W didn't want to let it go.  She was hot.  SSG W kept pulling her along and Mrs. W was on the verge of making a big scene.  I then started looking for Connie to come out because I was a bit scared and I wanted to just leave.

Mrs. W got about half way up the stairs when she decided she just couldn't let it go.  She stopped very purposefully, stomped her feet and swung around staring me down.  She was about to step down to come towards me, fire and hatred in her eyes, when SSG W grabbed her arm and pulled her back up stairs. All the while he kept saying to her, "I'll take care of it, don't worry.  I'll take care of it."

The W's proceeded to go upstairs and soon Connie completed her shopping and we were on our way back to our apartment.

That next Monday was business as usual until the end of the duty day. . . when SSG W decided to "take care of it".

His Pride Was Too Big For This

This whole business between SSG W and I spanned a long time.  It wasn't like these things were happening back to back.  Like I said, for the most part the two of us were able to put aside our personal differences and get along well enough at work to get our jobs done.  But every now and then something would get to him (probably his wife) and he'd start throwing his rank around the room.

He always had names for me that were snotty like, "Miss Big College Degree" and "Little Miss Perfect" . . . Sometimes when he couldn't find something or something went wrong he'd come to me and say, "I know Miss Perfect couldn't have made a mistake so tell me . . " or something like that.  Several times I'd hear one of the attorneys ask him something he didn't know and they'd say to him, "Why don't you ask Sergeant Dodge."  I'm sure that both embarrassed and infuriated him.  I don't think they were trying to be unkind --they just wanted an answer.  I loved my job too much to let SSG W bother me.  I almost exclusively worked with the officers as far as JAG work and when it came to Army business, I went to my Master Sergeant. 

Towards the end of my time in Germany and just after I returned from PLDC things got worse to the point it was affecting our work together.  I just had it with his snide remarks, I had it with him getting credit for things I did . . . and I REALLY had it with his mutilation of the English language.

So one day we were in the office and SSG W was talking to a soldier from a different unit.  I don't remember anything about this soldier or why he was there other than it was a male.  At this point, JAG had moved into a different building while the old building was under renovation.  My desk was right next to SSG W but I surrounded myself with partitions so other than a small entrance, no one could see in.  But you know, they were just partitions so you could hear everything.

SSG W was talking to this soldier and he was bragging about what a great NCOIC he was.  He was telling all these lies and I was sitting at my desk and every word he uttered was getting under my skin but then he said the one word that just made me snap!  He said the one word that was the proverbial last straw.  Talking about what a great NCOIC he was he said, "Me and my soldiers have a good rappert. . . ."

It was like nails on a chalkboard to me and I lost it.  From behind my partition I yelled, "Ra-pore!  The word is pronounced RA-PORE!"

As the words were barely on my lips I regretted them.  I knew I was way out of line. I knew exactly what I had done but honestly, there was a part of me that found great satisfaction in it.  There was a part of me that was glad to just finally get that release.  But then there was a bigger part of me that was remorseful.  I was remorseful because it was wrong, true enough but more selfishly, I knew this sealed my fate with SSG W.  I knew that any pieces of our working relationship that might have been salvageable were completely destroyed.  I knew his pride was too big for this.

What Does That Have To Do With Army Business

So things between SSG and I were strained but for the most part, our daily operations didn't suffer.  I always jumped him in my chain of command and he never said anything.  Anything I needed or wanted I'd go to the JAG NCOIC, our Master Sergeant.

Every once in a while SSG W's family would come into the office and they would go around to everyone and say hello and make it a point to completely ignore me.  It was so obvious that it wasn't as much about wanting to speak to others as it was wanting to make it a point to ignore me.  It was also obvious SSG W and his wife talked about me at home because their daughters treated me this same way and every now and then one of the girls or Mrs. W would shoot me a glance like, "Do you notice us ignoring you?"  I found it immature and more drama than I wished to deal with so I never let it bother me.  I think they wanted me to make a big deal out of it which is all the more reason I did not.  It was like the more I ignored the situation, the louder and friendlier they'd get with other people in the office.

My second Christmas in Germany SSG had a stack of Christmas cards on his desk and plates of home made cookies.  He passed them out to everyone in the office . . except for me.  Very loudly he'd say, "Merry Christmas!  This is just a little something from me and my family!"  Like his family had done, he'd shoot me a quick glance as if to say, "Do you see me ignoring you?"  I didn't say anything.  I knew he didn't have one for me and it didn't bother me.  Well, it did bother me that he tried his best to get me to say something or be hurt or jealous but I wasn't.

And this went on over a couple of days and finally he couldn't take it any more.  One day while no one else was around SSG W said to me, "I just wanted to let you know my family didn't want to give you a card or cookies so you know, I have to respect what they want."  I know he wanted me to ask him why or get upset or offended but all I said was something like, "That's okay SSG W, you don't have to explain."  I think that bothered him all the more.

In fact, I know it did because from that point on he was unbearable towards me.  He tried to throw his rank around, he abused his power and position.  I knew it was something I needed to deal with on my own because I'd just come off sounding like a cry baby or tattletale if I went to my Master Sergeant and you know, real soldiers aren't cry babies.  I really didn't need to tell any way, it was obvious to everyone in the office.  Sometimes one of the officers would say to me, "What's SSG W's deal with you?  Did you do something to make him mad?"  I'd just say, "His wife hates me."  They'd give me a puzzled look like, "What does that have to do with Army business?"

Exactly! 

I Had This Ace in the Hole!

One afternoon I was at the post office on post and the line was very long.  It might have been upcoming to a holiday and everyone was trying to get packages home -- or it might have just been a busy day, I don't know.  I was standing in line just minding my own business.  As the line moved along I later noticed SSG W and his wife were at the window.  I had no thoughts about them other than it was someone that I recognized.  It wasn't like I made a determination not to speak to them or to ignore them.  I was really just standing in line.

So after they were done with their mailing they were about to leave and Mrs. W saw me.  Again, it wasn't like I was trying to ignore them or play that game, "I'll pretend I didn't see them and hope they just go away."  I had zero thoughts about them.  First of all, the line was so long and they were so far ahead of me it wasn't even like I could speak to them without losing my place in line.  If they had been near me in line or walked right by me I certianly would have said hello.  But such as it were, I wasn't going to go out of my way just to say hi.  And the tables turned, had I been the one at the front of the line, I would have had no thoughts or expectations as to whether or not they were going to come speak to me.

So I'm standing in line and I feel someone looking at me and I look over and Mrs. W is giving me her look of death.  She looked like a bull ready to storm the red cape --she practically had steam blowing from her nostrils.  SSG W had his hand on her arm and was trying to direct her towards the door.  He was saying something to her but we were far enough away I couldn't hear.

It did strike me as odd but I had no idea she was upset about something that happened right then.  At the post office, it was so common and not a big deal that I couldn't imagine she was upset over something that happened there.  I thought she was still mad from our first encounter at the office.  But I was glad they left and thought no more of it.

The next day SSG W said he needed to talk to me.  He went on to talk about the post office and asked, "How come you didn't speak to us?"  I asked what he meant and he said, "My wife said you were standing in line behind us the whole time and you nevber spoke and then when we were leaving you were trying to ignore us."  I felt like I was on the playground at recess.  This all seemed a bit immature for Army stuff ----

I told SSG W I meant no disrespect but they were too far ahead of me to speak and I really didn't even notice them until they got up to the window.  I felt foolish for having to explain myself but you know, he was my boss so I was trying to be nice.

SSG W went on to tell me, "Well, I out rank you and I'm your NCOIC and you need to respect me and when I'm out with my wife she's an extension of me and you need to show her proper respect too.  When you disrepect her that is insubordination.  My wife was very upset you were so rude to us and she wanted to come up to you and tell you so but I told her I'd just handle it at work.  I just want to let you know this time we can talk about it but if it happens again I'm going to write you up."

I was INFURIATED.  SSG W was clearing letting his positon go to his head and he was abusing his position.  His rank had nothing to do with his wife and not only was I NOT disrespectful to her, even if I had been this was not military business.  He could have talked to me on a personal level but certainly not in an official capacity.

And basically, that's what I told him.  I mean -- basically.  I didn't tell him he was abusing his position but I did have a thing or two to say about his wife.  And it went something like this ---

SSG W, I meant no disrespect towards you or your wife and if either of you feel slighted or offended I am sorry.  But the way things were at the post office, other than shouting across the room, the only way I could have spoken to you was to leave my place in line.  Your wife is a civilian and does not wear your rank on her collar.  I owe her no military respect.

As you can imagine, that did not go over well but SSG W just threw his weight around a bit, I ignored him and that was that.  I hardly ever saw Mrs. W so I didn't think it was going to be an issue and I always had my chain of command to refer to --there's always someone with more rank and authority to go to.  I wasn't too worried about it.

Besides, I had this ace in the hole --SSG W clearly knew he could not do his job.  He was good at strutting and pretending but the bottom line was, he needed me and the rest of the Crim Law staff.  But there was something else I knew that SSG W probably didn't want anyone else knowing . . . . .

He was my boss --blah blah blah

Remember when your Mom used to tell you if you just tell the truth all of the time you don't have to worry about what you said or lie to cover your lies?  Well, turns out --Mom was right.

And not just about lying but just doing the right thing in general.

So soon after SSG W was appointed the NCOIC of Crim Law he decides to have a little meeting with me.  I wish I could remember exactly what he said because it probably would make for avery entertaining blog post. . . . but you know, who knew about blogs back in the 80's?

The gist of what he was telling me was --he was trying to cover his butt for all those inappropriate comments and advances he made towards me.  This is when it all became clear to me that yes, he really had been interested in a relationship with me.

Talking to me very harsh and sternly, as if I had done something wrong, SSG W began to lay down the rules between us.  He told me he was my boss --blah blah blah --I mean, that's about the extent I was listening to him.  Then he went on to say something like -- Don't even think about trying to bring up any sexual harassment charges on me because its just your word against mine and you have no proof of anything.  I would deny anything you'd say and I'd be believed over you because I have more rank, position and authority and who do you think is going to believe you?

So he just went on and on and I was only half listening.  The only thing I was thinking was how very stupid he was because basically, this was a full confession to sexual harassment!  And my mother's words were ringing true in my head too --because if he didn't have a guilty conscience he wouldn't feel the need for this conversation!  And you know, if you just live a life of truth and honor, you don't ever have to do backtracking like he was doing . . . and abusing his position to intimidate me and in that backdoor kind of way, threaten me.  I mean, he was making it clear to me he could make my life miserable and he fully intended to do so if I tried to cause any trouble.

SSG W being my boss was horrible.  He was as incompetent as anyone could be.  I was always having to do his work --well, me and the rest of our Crim Law team.  When someone would ask him something with an air of arrogance he'd say, "I'm gong to refer you to one of my subordinates, Private Dodge."  He tried to act like he was doing it because the job was beneath him but the truth was, he just didn't know.

There was always tension between the two of us --I imagine he wondered/worried if I was going to report him and I just plain didn't respect him.  Anything he did the rest of Crim Law clerks had to check over before we gave it to our Colonel or attorneys.  It was obvious everyone in the office knew the truth because the Captains and officers would come directly to me or one of the other JAG clerks and completely bypass SSG W --and that's not the way it should have been done or had been done.

I did go to our JAG NCOIC several times and complain and yes, I even told him about the harssment and what he said about it being my word against his --but as usual, nothing was ever done.  The Master Sergeant said to me, "As long as he's not doing it any more we don't need to worry but if it starts back up again you let me know."  Several other times I'd go to our Master Sergeant about SSG W --and poor Newsome --he'd get an ear full of it too.  Each night after work I'd need to vent and I'd lay it all out on Newsome.

And the ever lovely Mrs. W wasn't out of the picture yet either.

Replacement

SFC B was due to PCS and go back to the states and thus DA (Department of the Army) sent us his replacement.  I don't even recall his name so I'll just refer to him as Replacement.

Now Replacement came from his home state of Michigan where he had been for 10 years or more.  What Army post is in Michigan you say?  None.  He had a family member (his wife or daughter, can't remember) that had a disability and thus he got a compassionate assignment near his home town and he was attached to a reserve unit there.  Basically, he got over on the Army.  I mean, there's no doubt his family member had some type of disability but I doubt it was to the extent he couldn't move --ever.  He just didn't want to.

So Replacement shows up to Germany and he is one unhappy soldier.  DA forced him to move and he wasn't having any of that.  When I tried to help him with things in the office he'd say, "There's no need for you to tell me this stuff, I'm not staying."  Every day he was on the phone fighting with DA to get back home.

And back home he went --he didn't even wait for orders.  I believe he was in Germany no more than 2 weeks and one day he just came in and said he was going back home and would sign into his old unit.  How legal and legit is that?  I have no idea, often wondered the same myself but no one seemed to really care.

Except for the JAG NCOIC and Colonel because they needed an NCOIC to run Crim Law.  So they asked of DA to send them one --but after a few phones calls back and forth and la-di-da --we didn't get a new NCOIC.  DA kept claiming they already sent us one, Replacement and they weren't sending us another one because Replacement was to report back to duty.

Now the way things work in the Army is ---so you know where this is going?  The way things work in the Army is RANK STRUCTURE.  Its all about the rank, whose got it and who does not.  And guess what?  SSG W was the highest ranking soldier in Crim Law and thus, he was put in charge.  Now it was supposed to only be a temporary thing--until they straightened out the whole mess with Replacement.

Nonethelss, SSG W was now my first line supervisor.  He was the Crim Law NCOIC and he was my boss. 

I wasn't too happy but I was hoping in our newly developed professional relationship we would be able to build a good rappert.

"Playing House"

SFC B was the NCOIC of Crim Law so he was our supervisor, four JAG clerks; two in pre-trail and two in post-trial.

I have never loved a job more than I loved working in Crim Law at 1st AD.  It was busy but not stressful and very interesting.  There were always new cases and each case had its own uniqueness.  I loved working with jury selection and I loved the responsibility of updating case files each week.  In fact, every Friday once I got all the case updates I was free to leave and start my weekend.  Sometimes that was noon --sometimes that was 7pm, it just depended on many things.

When I first came to Crim Law I really took over my position.  I was trying to streamline technology, though we would never have used that word back then, into my job.  Things that had been handwritten I updated into a word processing document (hey, word processing was high speed back then!).  Listen, we were still using typewriters so anything I could get onto a disk I did. I was able to make things more efficient and therefore increase my workload.  This very much pleased my boss, SFC B and so he and I got along quite well.

Maybe too well, according to Mrs. W.

I was taking off like wild fire as a pre-trial clerk and getting a lot of recognition from not only SFC B but JAG NCOIC and the officers as well.  And that was a good thing except for --what? Except for the fact that SSG W had previously had that job and I think he thought I was showing him up.  In fact, I'm pretty sure this was the basis of him coming up with the name, "Miss Big College Degree" for me.  So you see, SSG W didn't like the fact that I wasn't on to his advances and he really didn't like the fact that I had revamped his entire old job and made him look bad.

But I don't think that is what others were thinking but I'm sure that was his perception of it.

And people like SSG W aren't likely to just let something like that lay to rest.  No, there was too much pride at stake and besides, Mrs. W had her own disdain for me so I'm sure the two of them dished about it a time or two.

One summer month the JAG NCOIC told SFC B per the Colonel's orders were were going to have a picnic and SFC B was in charge of making that happen.  And as things go in the military rank structure, SFC B tasked me to help make that happen.  So for weeks we were planning our picnic and as the date came closer SFC B asked me to go to the commissary with him to shop for the event.  We did so during duty hours and SFC B drove me in his POV, his personal vehicle that is and we were both in uniform because you know, we were on duty.

So SFC B and I shopped together and thought nothing of it --because there was nothing to think about --except how many hot dogs we needed and how much potato salad to buy, etc.

As soon as we got back to the office the Master Sergeant called for SFC B and after getting out of that meeting SFC B came back to Crim Law in a very foul mood.  Foul indeed --so I knew something happened but I had no idea what.

The rest of the afternoon was strange.  SFC B was distant from me as was SSG W --but both in a different way.  The tension in the office was thick.  Later that afternoon, just before the end of our work day, SFC B called me into a meeting and explained what was going on.

Apparently, while we were at the commissary Mrs. W was there too and she didn't like the fact that SFC B and I were at the commissary together --and she let her imagination run wild.  So she went home and called our Colonel and told him she thought he'd like to know SFC B and I were having an affair (SFC B was married).   She said we were carrying on at the commissary and "playing house" and worse yet, we were doing so while in uniform.  So the Colonel passed that information along to our Master Sergeant and told him to handle it.

But there was nothing to "handle".  But Mrs. W didn't stop there --she also called SFC B's wife and told her the same thing.  It was ugly for a little while but there was absolutely nothing to Mrs. W's farbricated story and soon everyone saw that for what it was worth --You know, I'm not even certain Mrs. W believed her own story but I do know one thing for sure, she hated me and she wanted to get me in trouble.  I'm sure it displeased her that her plan failed --in fact, I know it displeased her because since she got no success and satisfaction at that plan, she later conjured up more trouble.

I guess you'll just have to stay tuned, huh?

Staff Sergeant W's Turn

I had no like nor dislike for SSG W.  Much like his wife, he was a person I just didn't get.  I was polite and cordiale with him.  I mean, we did work together every day.  It wasn't like there was any tension between us.  He out ranked me and I respected his rank.  He was older than me, married and had two daughters.  At the time his daughters were in high school --or close to that age.  Outside of the office we had absolutely nothing in common.  To me he was just a person that I worked with.

I said I respected his rank, which I did to the utmost but as a person, I didn't have a lot of respect for him.  He was yet another male soldier that I encountered sexual harassment from but his was more covert --he'd make these comments under his breath and when I'd ask, "What did you say?"  He'd say, "Oh, it was nothing."  He gave me creepy looks and would use words like sexy, hot, nice, turn on --but in a creepy sexual harassment kind of way.  But he was slick and like I said, it was very covert and almost undetectable.  Even I'd be confused as to whether or not it was actually sexual harassment.  But it made me not respect him much as a person and I certainly did not trust him.  He was not an ugly man but to me personally, I saw nothing attractive about him.  He too had a gold tooth and you know, gold teeth just aren't my thing.  I find them unnatural, unnecessary and unattractive.  I mean, unless of course you're a pirate out at sea but other than that, they seem to clash with the natural beauty of God given pearly whites.

SSG W wasn't a very well educated man and I don't just mean he didn't have a college degree but even something in his basic education seemed lacking.  He was not a fast learner.  He did not read well and his grammar was very --poor (I'm trying my best to be nice here and not come off sounding like a snob).  Ordinarily, you probably could fit in well in the Army as such but in JAG you're constantly surrounded by lawyers and well --the law and its just a different environment than  --let's say --the motorpool.  What really drew the most attention to SSG W's lack of education and knowledge was the fact that he desperately tried to fit in often using big words but mispronouncing them or using them inappropriately.  For instance, he loved to use the word "rapport" a lot but would pronounce it, "rappert".  Once he did learn a big word he'd use it over and over and over again to the point you wanted to scream, "OKAY!  You learned a new word!  Good for you!  Now back off it a little bit, will ya?"  He'd especially try to pour it on when he was talking to an officer and I'd sit at my desk just feeling sorry for him and being embarrassed for him as he had no sense to be embarrassed for himself.  It's like the harder he tried to sound intelligent and educated the dumber he made him self out to be. 

But the good thing is, SSG W was not in my chain of command so other than affording him basic military respect, he wasn't in authority over me.  We worked in the same office but since he dealt with post trial and me with pre trial, we didn't even work together as much as just in the same space.  So I tried to be nice and friendly.  We got along well but I also knew to feed him with a long handled spoon, so to speak.  I was careful to never be alone with him and careful to keep our conversations professional.

SSG W didn't like me much, I could tell and honestly, I think it's because I didn't accept his advances.  I have no doubt in my mind if I was open to it, SSG would have entered into an extramarital relationship with me.   He would also at times refer to me as "Miss Big College Degree" and say it in the utmost snide fashion.  He only assumed I had a college degree, that was never something I told him.  One time he asked me, "Where did you go to college?"  I told him Illinois State University and he assumed the rest.  At those times he would call me Miss Big College Degree, I'd think to tell him I went  to college but never finished college but then I'd think to myself, "He doesn't deserve to know that."  But it did come up later and of course I will tell you about that --later.

I also lost some respect for SSG W after I learned that he had falsified government documents and ended up getting an Article 15.  When he first got to Germany and filled out the paperwork for family housing, he put down he was a higher rank than he really was because he was trying to get into Senior Enlisted housing as opposed to Lower Enlisted Housing.

So anyway, SSG W and I had issues and problems but I tried not to let them escalate and I did my best to respect his rank and postion.

But sometimes Sergeants just get besides themselves and they abuse their rank and/or position.