Remember PLDC?  You thought we were done with that, huh?

Just not so.

There's a reason I spent so much time on PLDC in fact, it was pivotal in my life.  Well its true there was just a lot that went on while I was there but behind the scenes something else was going on ---something I was not aware of until after I graduated.

Remember this post?  Melissa's Unmilitary Moment?   There's a reason I had to post that.

You see, its important to know that part of me--that insecure girl that was inside of me, afraid and wanting to feel safe, to feel taken care of . . .

And there was that soldier part of me that desperately tried to keep up.  I respected the Army.  I did, a lot.  But sometimes the irony was trying to be that strong soldier being independent and strong to satisfy that inner longing I had.

It didn't quite work.

But then I graduated PLDC and I couldn't wait to tell SSG Newsome all of these stories.  Maybe that's why I remember them so well, even as they were happening I was archiving them in my memory to be certain I could recall them to Newsome.

And then just in the middle of telling him all about PLDC --he would finish my statements or stories.  And I was confused.  How did he know?

He knew because he was there, every day --every single day.  Remember the Commandant of the school?  The Sergeant Major?  He was a good friend of Newsome's.  So Newsome would come to school every day and Sergeant Major would tell him how things were going for me --and when things were going tough Newsome would say, "You have to let me see her, just for a few minutes."

But Sergeant Major would always tell him no --until that one time you know, when Newsome came in and sort-of-kind-of proposed to me.

And when I was telling Newsome about the struggles I first had with marching he started telling me the things I was doing wrong and --how did he know?  He knew because he said --

"I was there every day watching you.  I'd drive up here and just sit across the street in my blazer watching you.  I wanted to protect you and just do it for you--but I couldn't.  I'd talk out loud to you hoping someone you'd hear me.  Every day I came and every day I watched you."

Map Reading?  When the instructors were all standing at the last point?  Just before then Newsome had gone to the instructors, also friends of his, and asked them to watch out for me.  They were all there because Newsome asked them to be.

And you see, this was huge to me.  Just huge.  Because having never felt taken care of or safe my entire life --here was this man and without me asking or knowing he was protecting me and watching out for me.  It open the deepest recesses of my heart.  This big burden that was upon me my entire life was lifted and gone.  I no longer had to worry about myself because he was worried for me.  The walls I had built up for so long just crumbled, crumbled there at his feet and it left me emotionally raw and vulnerable.

And it changed everything.  Absolutely everything.