To Him I Would Go For Help

No longer that middle child, I was planted into Germany by Uncle Sam to sprout my own roots and wings and grow into Melissa. Not Val's little sister, not the middle child, not the scrawny mop headed barefoot girl --just Melissa with no strings attached.

That kind of freedom was liberating and yet, I wasn't even aware I had it. I wasn't afraid to get off the path most trod but instead took baby steps into the weedy over grown field that laid beside it. Just the fact that I even ventured off into the Army signified I was brave and different. I was me. All those daring feats, climbing out of windows and inventions have now served me well. You know, I was well prepared for climbing over the wall on the obstacle course during basic training or being able to configure my poncho into 146 other uses.

With that freedom I admit I did not always make the best choices or do the right thing. Some of those were after-the-fact realizations like, "That didn't turn out quite like I expected it." but others were intentional blazon choices to do the wrong thing, "Yeah, I shouldn't do this and yet, I I'm going to anyway." And always I'd suffer consequences of my actions and always, I'd pick myself up by my combat boot straps and move on --sometimes to repeat same said stupid thing --other times having learned a valuable lesson.

Point being, I was for the first time me -- no barriers, not boxed in, no expectations of being something or somebody other than me. Who I was knit together to be was formulating -- and I was oblivious to it all. My little sheltered Midwestern life was exposed. It was shredded to pieces only for me to take each piece, every so methodically and carefully put back into the life I wanted it to be --or the lift I was intended to live.

With that I had absolutely no reservations about the huge divide in Newsome and myself --not just in skin color but culturally and in many other ways. The fortresses that had previously been built around my heart were now gone and that left me open to love in ways I never had before.

Newsome and I weren't exactly seeing each other but we weren't ignoring each other either. I was very much attracted to his strength, physically and otherwise. He made me feel safe and that was a feeling I rarely ever had. In his presence, I was worry free and I absolutely had never felt that way with anyone before because you see, I finally learned to be me --just me. I wasn't a little sister, a cousin, a student . . . and with Newsome I wasn't even a girlfriend. I wasn't white or black. I wasn't GO! ARMY! crazy because I learned, that just wasn't me. That was very refreshing for me.

So the days and weeks were spent travelling with Connie, occasionally seeing Newsome and having a sense of marking time --waiting to get back to the states. I didn't particularly like being overseas but I wasn't miserable (much) either. My NCOIC's, the ones appointed over me, as I have stated before, did well to look after me. I had made rank to E4 and was recommended to appear before the E5 promotion board. I was also recommended for PLDC, Primary Leadership Development Course. It was like --an advanced basic training. You know, going beyond the basics and learning how to be a leader in the Army. Both were wonderful opportunities for advancement for me but they were also huge challenges and obstacles to over come.

But I knew one thing for sure --there was a certain Army Staff Sergeant that knew everything there was to know about the Army and training. If I ever needed any guidance or help in any Army ways, there was a certain Staff Sergeant whom I knew would never let me down.

So to him I would go for help.