The Getting Out

I was one complete mess but I'm standing here with no choice but to "get out".  I  paused first to pick up whatever shreds of dignity I could gather off of the floor to try and plaster them back into place before I left the room but shreds are hard to find in a sea of boxes, monitors and computers --and Chief was glaring at me as if to say, "Are you deaf?  Did I not speak English?"

I felt horrible mostly because I felt I didn't deserve to be treated this way.  I still had no idea exactly what I did wrong but there's a saying in the Army --or maybe its just one of those life sayings and its something about stuff rolling downhill, down stream---you know, something like that.  It seemed maybe that was going on - Chief got chewed out from someone that out ranked him and now he felt the need to chew someone out.

Something like that.

I started to walk out but then I decided I had something to say.  So still sobbing and still speaking disconnected words between those sobs, I said:

I - have - no - idea - what - I - did - wrong - but - I - know - I - didn't - deserve - to - be -yelled - at -or - treated - like - this - and - all - I - asked - was - for - a - minute - to - get - myself - together - I - don't - know - why - I - am - so - emotional - right - now - but - I'm - pregnant  - and - I - guess - maybe - that - is - why - but - what - you - did - was - unfair.

Chief stood there listening and his body language softened and that look of glaring anger left his face but there was certainly nothing warm or remorseful about his expression.

I turned away and walked out only to find the entire office of the civilian secretaries just sitting there in awkward silence.  They tried to pretend they didn't hear but gosh, I think the entire post heard Chief's yelling.  They tried to act like it was business as usual --but it clearly was not.

I walked back down to the first floor and went to the bathroom to get myself together before I had to go into my office.  Several people in the building saw me crying and with everyone knowing the condition of my mother, many assumed maybe she died.

Yes, I was just that upset.

Later in the day, nearing the end of the duty day Chief came down to my office.  Very stone faced, he stood in front of my desk and offered me an apology that went something like this:

Sergeant Dodge, the mistake I made was leading you to believe we were friends and maybe I treated you too casually but I am an officer and you a Sergeant and I think you got too comfortable with me thinking perhaps you didn't need to obey my orders.  I learned a lesson here and I will never make that mistake again.  Not with you, not with anyone else.  I'm sorry for misleading you.

And to that, I was thinking --

Okay well first of all, you are NOT an officer but a Warrant Officer and I'm sorry but there IS a difference.  Secondly, I was not too comfortable with you because you really flipped out over nothing.  I would have walked into that office no differently if you wore general stars on your collar or private mosquito wings --so apparently the problem here is your ego --or something like that.

But that is not what I said.  What I said was, "I never thought we were friends and I wasn't too comfortable with you."

Chief walked out of the office and that was the last time he ever spoke to me.  Whenever he saw me walking in the hallways, he'd turn and walk the opposite direction.  If he walked into an office when I was present, he'd quickly turn and walk back out.  It was all very strange and to this day, I don't understand exactly what happened but I imagine there was much more to the story than I knew.

And after all of that, I didn't even get one of the new computers.