On The Receiving End

Chief starts yelling, "Do you not see millions of dollars of equipment sitting around here?"  I told him yes and I was very confused where all of this was going.  So confused I started to think he was joking around.

So I was still hiking my way through the equipment and started commenting on how nice the computers looked, couldn't wait to get one, etc.

SERGEANT DODGE, DO YOU NOT HEAR ME?

I'm still confused but I know now he's not joking so I stop and say, "Yes, Chief.  I  hear you."  I had no idea what I had done wrong or what was wrong so I decided to just leave but to do so, I once again had to step over boxes, cords, etc.

SERGEANT DODGE!  STOP RIGHT THERE!

I stopped and turned around and now Chief was coming towards me.

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO LEAVE?

Uh just one but you know --you never did say that.

I HAVE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF EQUIPMENT IN HERE.  I AM ACCOUNTABLE FOR EVERY BIT OF THIS AND I HAVE TO UNPACK IT AND GET IT ALL RECORDED AND ASSIGNED.  GET OUT!!!   GET OUT SERGEANT DODGE AND NEXT TIME I TELL YOU TO DO SOMETHING YOU BETTER DO IT.  DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?  DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

Oh you made yourself perfectly clear but no, I do not understand anything about what just happened here. 

So those were just my thoughts.  I was reeling in confusion.  In those split seconds in your mind, I was replaying the entire scene trying to figure out what I did wrong.  But there's one thing I knew for certain, you don't argue with anyone that out ranked you.  I couldn't stand there and argue with Chief.  So what did I do?

Why, what any good pregnant women living under a ton of stress --I cried.  I cried and I cried and I cried.  No, I mean I didn't cry --I sobbed.  I sobbed and I was out of control crying.  The kind of crying where you just can't catch your breath.

And I think my emotion was due to what just happened but in my delicate state of pregnancy, I was also a walking emotional time-bomb so really anything could have detonated that reaction.  Also, due to my mother's illness I was also on emotional edge at all times.  This release of tears was probably as much about those things as it was the situation with Chief.

So as I'm standing there crying Chief is yelling at me to get out.  I was so out of control I didn't want to leave yet.  I was trying so desperately to breath and make myself stop crying but it seemed the harder I tried, the more difficult that was. 

You know, I was a Sergeant in the Army --there was some element of maintaining my military bearance that I wanted to try and gain before I left the office.  And walking out of Chief's office meant I had to go back out into the Civilian's secretary's work area.  So as Chief was yelling at me to leave I was trying to talk . . . .between sobs . . . .

Ch-ch-ch-ieeeee-f,  pppl-ease do-do-n't maaaa-ke me go  ooo-ut  th-th-there ri-ri-now.  Please *sob* give *sob* me *sob* a minute *sob* to *sob* calm *sob* down.  Please just  *sob* give me *sob* a minute.

Chief just looked at me and said, "Get out."