Lessons Learned by Private Dodge

Soon after our bathroom renovation was complete one morning I noticed signs posted all over the hallway and bathroom that said, "GI PARTY TONIGHT! 1800 HOURS!"

A GI party? Man, this place isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. GI party? For us? Wow, that's nice. I wonder where it will be. Is it like --big? Will there be a DJ? Food? Hmm --I wonder what I should wear --Do you have to wear a uniform to a GI party? I guess it doesn't really matter! I'm just excited --WE'RE HAVING A PARTY TONIGHT! WHOO HOO! The whole day I was quite excited about the GI party and I could tell everyone else was too. Even my NCOIC told me to make sure I wasn't late for the GI party.

That night I walked back to my barracks not knowing what to expect. It was nearly 1800 hours so I was in a bit of a hurry, especially if I needed to change into civilian clothes. When I walked into the barracks I was confused by what I saw. All of the female soldiers were in BDU pants, boots and a brown t-shirt. That combination usually meant WORK! In the hallway there were buckets, mops, all sorts of cleaning supplies and the ever favorite, the buffer! Before I had a chance to process any thoughts a sergeant E5 came up to me, clipboard in hand, "Bathroom or Hallway, 1SG Office, the CO's office . . ." She was rambling on. It was obvious to me we had barracks detail but weren't we going to be late for our party? Annoyed I wasn't snapping to pick something she yells, "Well, what are you going to GI? Pick something or I'll assign something." I was trying to figure out exactly what was going on. We were going to be late for the party and all of the guys were going to eat up all of the food before I got there! "Um, okay", I said softly, "I guess --I guess I'll buff?" She laughs. "You buff? I don't think so. Besides, it's already taken." She then proceeds to assign me the showers and toilets. All the while soldiers are running around everywhere. Mops are flinging, walls are being scrubbed down --it was like spring cleaning GI style --and then it dawns on me . . .

Wait a second! Spring cleaning GI style? IS THIS THE GI PARTY? Boy do I feel stupid! In fact, I feel as stupid as I did that time basic training when going to the range for the first time and drill sergeant kept telling us we were going to get some magazines.

Magazines? Isn't that nice of them! I was tired of the "hurry up and wait" game we had to play --at least now on the waiting part I could flip through a magazine. Being so sheltered from the civilian world during basic I was glad I'd get to get back in touch. Magazines! I thought even if they are out dated at least it's better than sitting there reading my stupid Smart Book! I wondered if they'd all be military related and I secretly hoped for a Glamor magazine.

Lessons Learned by Private Dodge:

1. Magazine - a metal receptacle for a number of cartridges, inserted into certain types of automatic weapons and when empty removed and replaced by a full receptacle in order to continue firing.

2. GI Party - military jargon for a group cleaning effort of a barracks, common area, bathroom, or, any area, room, office, etc. in general. It is not a casual cleaning, but rather an intensive top-down, inside-out, scrubbing, polishing, detailing, etc., typically in preparation for an inspection. Contrary to the name, it is no fun. One is not invited to a GI Party; one is ordered to participate in a GI Party.

3. Alert - does not mean Germany has been invaded.

Will I ever get the hang of this Army business?