As I mentioned earlier, I first met Tom at my birthday party and after that, it was hard not to get to know him as he was EVERYWHERE I was. I'd turn around, there was Tom. I'd go to lunch, there was Tom. I'd report for formation, there was Tom . . . so Tom and I became friends rather quickly. He worked in the motor pool as a mechanic but we were in the same company.
One of the best things about knowing Tom was he knew everyone! He had been in Germany for a while so he knew his way around and knew most everyone in the company. If I ever needed to know anything, he was the person to ask. One of the worst things about knowing Tom was he was ALWAYS in some sort of trouble. He was kind of one of those very personable likable guys that was a friend to everyone yet just always screwing up. That was Tom.
My first venture out into Ansbach, the town I was stationed in, was with Tom. Like I said, he had a lot of friends --both German and American alike. Unlike me, he was comfortable out on "the economy", which meant off a military installation. We'd go for walks in town and he'd show me the places that were good for shopping or eating. He was the one that first told me to make sure to order American Ketchup with my food --otherwise I'd get that peppery German stuff. He was also the one that told me a few things about German beer --when I told him I wanted to taste German beer, one night he took me to a club, ordered a bunch of beer and we sat there taste testing each one. I knew part of my "German experience" I wanted to taste authentic German beer. He was also the one that would go running with me in the afternoons. I wasn't able to keep up in our morning company formation runs so in the afternoon he'd come to the barracks and come get me and say, "Let's go running!" Then he'd run at the same pace we'd do our formation runs in and talk me through keeping the pace. Somehow I was always able to keep up running like that but in formation --that's another blog post. We'd also have to tackle the dreaded "Hospital Hill" sometimes so whenever Tom knew we'd be running the hill in the morning, he'd come get me the night before and say, "Hey, let's practice the hill." Once I told him I always wanted to see the inside of a tank so one evening he came to my room and asked me to go for a walk with him. He took me to the motor pool, which he had keys to (either legally or illegally --not sure which) showed me a tank and said, "There you go. Climb in and on it. Do whatever you want." He just stood there as this silly Chicago girl explored the tank inside and out.
In many ways, like a big brother (though he was younger than me), Tom was always looking out for me. He was from New York but very rarely talked about his family. When he did, there was always a hint of pain in his voice. Whenever I brought up the subject of family, he'd quickly find a way to talk about something else. It always seemed to me that joining the Army was a means of escape for him. He spoke with a thick New York accent and his grammar wasn't the best. He'd put an "s" at the end of words such as "yous". That used to drive me crazy. He was very street savvy and seemed to have been taking care of himself for a very long time. He was also very very funny and would tell very animated stories with the funniest faces and gestures. At a time in my life when I was most always depressed and homesick, Tom could make me forget about it all and having me rolling in laughter.
One night after work Tom and I went into town. We had forgotten about the 10 curfew and it was just minutes to the gates closing. I reminded Tom of the curfew and we took off running. I was so scared I was going to miss curfew, which I knew would have been very bad news for me! We did make it back in time --barely. That was the last time I hung out with him during the week --unless we stayed on base.
Tom was also a very gifted drummer and he started up a band with some German friends. Sometimes I'd go with him to band practice and sometimes I'd play keyboard for them though make no mistake, I WAS NOT part of the band --just a band groupie. They'd get small local gigs on weekends, which I think were mostly unpaid. I'd go along and just sit right in front watching/listening to them play. The more local exposure they got, the more their name, which I can't remember nor ever will, probably -- got recognized and they finally got a big paying gig. That will be a post in and of itself as well.
The problem with Tom was this --he drank A LOT and got high A LOT. We seemed an unlikely pair because I didn't do those things. I constantly warned him about his drug usage because here I was working in JAG and seeing soldiers going to jail and getting put out of the Army left and right for this type of thing. I kept telling him he'd come up hot on a urinalysis --and eventually he did. Got an Article 15. And that kept happening over and over. He mostly stayed a private as he kept losing rank from the Article 15. I knew it was only a matter of time before he got put out of the Army --or worse. So this was definitely a problem in our friendship. Another problem was when everyone started thinking Tom and I were in a relationship --like he was my boyfriend. There was never anything romantic between us and in fact, we'd often tell each other about the type of person we wanted to date. I was uncomfortable with people thinking we had that type of relationship. I knew I had to spend less time with him. I already was spending much less time with him than I had been --just doing my band groupie thing and going for long quiet walks on Sunday afternoons. The Sunday afternoon thing started because I told Tom I would not spend any time with him if he was drunk or high or in possession of drugs. Sundays seemed the only time he could manage to stay that sober, I guess.
One Sunday afternoon we went for a walk and ended up sitting at the top of a grassy hill. For the first time ever, Tom talked about his family and told me, "I sometimes miss my Mom --but not enough to ever want to go back." He told me about his high school buddies and some of his favorite childhood memories. He told me, "When I first got to Germany I expected everything to be like a Hedi movie." I kind of sensed something was going to happen ---that Tom and I would no longer be friends or spend time together. Things just seemed to be moving in that direction plus I was more and more concerned with his drug usage --for his sake but also my association with him. And then he said something that floored me but also confirmed to me Tom and I wouldn't be friends much longer. There was a lull in our conversation, a very comfortable silence and then Tom said ---
"Will you marry me?"
One of the best things about knowing Tom was he knew everyone! He had been in Germany for a while so he knew his way around and knew most everyone in the company. If I ever needed to know anything, he was the person to ask. One of the worst things about knowing Tom was he was ALWAYS in some sort of trouble. He was kind of one of those very personable likable guys that was a friend to everyone yet just always screwing up. That was Tom.
My first venture out into Ansbach, the town I was stationed in, was with Tom. Like I said, he had a lot of friends --both German and American alike. Unlike me, he was comfortable out on "the economy", which meant off a military installation. We'd go for walks in town and he'd show me the places that were good for shopping or eating. He was the one that first told me to make sure to order American Ketchup with my food --otherwise I'd get that peppery German stuff. He was also the one that told me a few things about German beer --when I told him I wanted to taste German beer, one night he took me to a club, ordered a bunch of beer and we sat there taste testing each one. I knew part of my "German experience" I wanted to taste authentic German beer. He was also the one that would go running with me in the afternoons. I wasn't able to keep up in our morning company formation runs so in the afternoon he'd come to the barracks and come get me and say, "Let's go running!" Then he'd run at the same pace we'd do our formation runs in and talk me through keeping the pace. Somehow I was always able to keep up running like that but in formation --that's another blog post. We'd also have to tackle the dreaded "Hospital Hill" sometimes so whenever Tom knew we'd be running the hill in the morning, he'd come get me the night before and say, "Hey, let's practice the hill." Once I told him I always wanted to see the inside of a tank so one evening he came to my room and asked me to go for a walk with him. He took me to the motor pool, which he had keys to (either legally or illegally --not sure which) showed me a tank and said, "There you go. Climb in and on it. Do whatever you want." He just stood there as this silly Chicago girl explored the tank inside and out.
In many ways, like a big brother (though he was younger than me), Tom was always looking out for me. He was from New York but very rarely talked about his family. When he did, there was always a hint of pain in his voice. Whenever I brought up the subject of family, he'd quickly find a way to talk about something else. It always seemed to me that joining the Army was a means of escape for him. He spoke with a thick New York accent and his grammar wasn't the best. He'd put an "s" at the end of words such as "yous". That used to drive me crazy. He was very street savvy and seemed to have been taking care of himself for a very long time. He was also very very funny and would tell very animated stories with the funniest faces and gestures. At a time in my life when I was most always depressed and homesick, Tom could make me forget about it all and having me rolling in laughter.
One night after work Tom and I went into town. We had forgotten about the 10 curfew and it was just minutes to the gates closing. I reminded Tom of the curfew and we took off running. I was so scared I was going to miss curfew, which I knew would have been very bad news for me! We did make it back in time --barely. That was the last time I hung out with him during the week --unless we stayed on base.
Tom was also a very gifted drummer and he started up a band with some German friends. Sometimes I'd go with him to band practice and sometimes I'd play keyboard for them though make no mistake, I WAS NOT part of the band --just a band groupie. They'd get small local gigs on weekends, which I think were mostly unpaid. I'd go along and just sit right in front watching/listening to them play. The more local exposure they got, the more their name, which I can't remember nor ever will, probably -- got recognized and they finally got a big paying gig. That will be a post in and of itself as well.
The problem with Tom was this --he drank A LOT and got high A LOT. We seemed an unlikely pair because I didn't do those things. I constantly warned him about his drug usage because here I was working in JAG and seeing soldiers going to jail and getting put out of the Army left and right for this type of thing. I kept telling him he'd come up hot on a urinalysis --and eventually he did. Got an Article 15. And that kept happening over and over. He mostly stayed a private as he kept losing rank from the Article 15. I knew it was only a matter of time before he got put out of the Army --or worse. So this was definitely a problem in our friendship. Another problem was when everyone started thinking Tom and I were in a relationship --like he was my boyfriend. There was never anything romantic between us and in fact, we'd often tell each other about the type of person we wanted to date. I was uncomfortable with people thinking we had that type of relationship. I knew I had to spend less time with him. I already was spending much less time with him than I had been --just doing my band groupie thing and going for long quiet walks on Sunday afternoons. The Sunday afternoon thing started because I told Tom I would not spend any time with him if he was drunk or high or in possession of drugs. Sundays seemed the only time he could manage to stay that sober, I guess.
One Sunday afternoon we went for a walk and ended up sitting at the top of a grassy hill. For the first time ever, Tom talked about his family and told me, "I sometimes miss my Mom --but not enough to ever want to go back." He told me about his high school buddies and some of his favorite childhood memories. He told me, "When I first got to Germany I expected everything to be like a Hedi movie." I kind of sensed something was going to happen ---that Tom and I would no longer be friends or spend time together. Things just seemed to be moving in that direction plus I was more and more concerned with his drug usage --for his sake but also my association with him. And then he said something that floored me but also confirmed to me Tom and I wouldn't be friends much longer. There was a lull in our conversation, a very comfortable silence and then Tom said ---
"Will you marry me?"
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