Car Lots

It was just a few weeks before Jerry was able to get Leave and come to Kansas.  He planned his US tour with visits to Atlanta to see his son, Georgia to see his family and Kansas to come see me.  While he was in Kansas, we planned to take trip to Chicago to meet my family.

Jerry first went to Georgia.  His family had no idea what was going on, that I was pregnant or that I even existed (and that I was white).  He wanted to go home to tell his family in person and I respected that.  He also planned a few days with his family then a drive to Atlanta to see his son but unfortunately, he was not able to see his son.

When Jerry arrived Kansas I have to admit, it felt very strange.  In the past few months so much had transpired between us but we were not even together.  My spiritual life had changed too and I wasn't sure how or if Jerry was going to fit into that.  Remember I said while in Germany I began to have doubts on whether or not I could collide my two worlds; the Army which included Jerry and my civilian/home life.  From the moment I went into the Army, it was my intention to eventually return home.  I had no plans or thoughts otherwise.  And now as things changed, I wasn't thinking as much as how I could fit into Jerry's life or how Jerry and I could make a life together but more in terms of, how is Jerry going to fit into my life.  I guess that sounds self-centered but it just never occurred to me I would not return home.  I never ever even considered a life outside of Chicago.

Things were different between us and for the first time I realized, I really didn't know him.  I mean, quite a strange thing to discover this late in the game but all of a sudden I felt like I was with a stranger.  For one thing, for the first time we were outside of our tiny Army community in Germany.  We had so few choices overseas.  For instance, when we went to a movie it wasn't about what movie we wanted to see but if we wanted to go to the one and only choice available.  So now we are in the states together and I'm confused about choices he makes.  In Germany we did just a lot of hanging out because often times, that's all there was to do --but now we are in the states and just hanging out was --boring.

I first realized all of this while standing in a car lot.  Jerry was (and is) obsessed with cars.  Even with no intention or budget to buy one, he can browse car lots all day long.  Though I do find this a bit odd (and boring), when I think if it in terms of window shopping for shoes, I fully understand it.  I can go to a mall and spend the entire day without spending a dime and still have a good time.  The difference is, I don't expect Jerry to go with me and I'm not offended that he would rather stick bamboo shoots up his nail beds than do so.

Every day Jerry would drop me off at work then he'd spend the day --mostly going from one car lot to another.  He'd look at cars, drool over cars, pretend to make deals on cars  . . . . .then in the evening time he would pick me up and take me to every single car lot and show me every single car he looked at and tell me the price, gas mileage . . . . now listen --I'm pregnant, I'm tired, I worked all day long, I'm hungry, I'm in my uncomfortable uniform, it's HOT, the car does not have air conditioning  --I DO NOT WANT TO GO LOOK AT CARS.  So the first time I was nice about it and went along.  The second time I was mostly nice about it but tried to encourage him to speed it up.  The third time I flat out told him I didn't want to go.  The fourth time I was crabby and  . . .you get the picture.  So then we started going home each evening FIRST and eating dinner but then Jerry would ask, "You want to take a drive?"

Well sure I love to take drives --look at houses, parks . . maybe stop for ice cream . . .

No, we'd end up at ANOTHER CAR LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now see, I had just about had it!  I did not want to be at ONE MORE car lot and when I would tell Jerry so he'd say, "I'll just be a minute.  I promise I won't take long . . ."  The two hours later . . . .  

I envisioned a life of dragging our baby around from one car lot to another.  I mean, is there no depth to this man? Can we visit a museum?  Park? 

When I think about Jerry's visit that June what immediately comes to mind are all the car lots we went to and Strawberry shakes.

Tomorrow we will talk about Strawberry shakes.