She Was Cold

Still in the wake of the news, a nurse came out and told us we could see Mom; however we could only go in one at a time and we only had 10 minutes total.  My step-Dad deferred to us girls and so it was decided we'd go in birth order.

[I have purposely not said much about my step-Dad because he deserves an entire post himself --which will come later.  His name is Bob.  I'll call him Bob from now on.]

I was so anxious to see Mom.  I felt like no one could take care of her as well as we could because no one could love her as much as we did.  I was still reeling in anger towards the doctor but mostly, my attention and emotions turned towards seeing Mom.  Val was only with Mom a few minutes but it felt like an eternity.

I was bracing myself for the absolute worst when I saw Mom but I also wanted to be strong for her.  When I walked into ICU I was absolutely amazed how well Mom looked.  Besides a bandage on her head, she looked great, much better than I had prepared myself for.  She was alert and talking.  She knew me and said my name.

One thing about Mom is that she was born and raise in Puerto Rico and that tropical island living never got out of her blood.  She despised being cold and HATED winters.  If you knew Mom for any amount of time, you'd soon learn she hated to be cold.  Hated it.

Mom was laying flat on her back and could not get up so in order for her to see you'd have to lean over her bed.  Remember now, I'm 4 months pregnant and it shows.  I'm also short so leaning over onto a tall hospital bed would have been a challenge even without a pregnant belly.  I lean over to see Mom and she said my name, that thrilled me.  She was talking in a very soft voice, almost a whisper.  She said, "Mesa, I'm cold."  I looked up for a nurse and told her we needed a blanket, though Mom was already piled up with a few.  The nurse brought over a nice warm blanket, straight out of a warming drawer.  We piled it on Mom and I asked, "Is that better?"   It was not.

Two things were going through my mind --Mom being the most comfortable she could be and not taking up too much time so my sister Sam could come in.  I knew she too was anxious to see Mom.  Mom kept saying over and over, "I"m cold."  I knew how much Mom hated to be cold.  I wanted her comfortable.  So I tried to lean over and hug her, wrap my arms around her.  I asked for more blankets.  Soon Mom looked like the Princess and the Pea only in reverse.  Instead of Mom being on the top of a pile of blankets, Mom was beneath a pile of blankets.  You could no longer see the shape of her body --it was just a rectangular pile of blankets with her head sticking out.

But she was still so cold.

I just remember trying to get closer to her---hug her, warm her.  My pregnant belly was making that a challenge, leaning over and all.  I was just so focused on helping Mom get warm.  Soon a nurse came over to me and said, "Uh, I'm sorry but you can't get into the bed with her."  Without realizing it, I practically had climbed into bed with Mom!  I kind of looked around and thought to myself, "Well how'd I get up here?"  I'm glad the nurse said that though because the doctor was no longer around so you know, my anger needed a place to land.  Now I hated the nurse.

But I was well aware of my sister waiting to see Mom so I told Mom good-bye and that Sam would be in soon to see her.  I kissed her and hated to leave.  I wanted to stay with her forever and ever and ever but--I could not. 

Bye Mom, Sam is coming in next, okay?  Rest and take care.  We'll see you soon.  Bye, Mom.  I love you.  I love you.