Me, Wanda and the Polizei

When I first learned I was going to Europe (after the weeks of lamenting) I decided there were two things I absolutely wanted to do; go to Paris and see the Eiffel Tower, drive on the German Autobahn (no speed limit). After deciding not to get a USAEUR driver's license, I figured the driving thing wasn't going to work out for me.

Now I'm sitting with Wanda in her white Mercedes and wondering what I should do. Should I let her drive? She was quite hysterical. What if she wanted to go back home to her drug dealer husband? And what if she told him I threatened to call the MP's? And what if she decided not to return to school? The problem is, if I didn't show up to school Monday morning --the Army has this little thing called AWOL (Absent Without Leave) and being in JAG and all, I knew what happened to AWOL soldiers so that was not the path I wanted to tread. Aaaaand . . . . Wanda has this sweet Mercedes and I could very well drive . . . but what if I get caught driving without a license? But it's not like I can't drive I mean, I do know how to drive!

Right or wrong, I decided to take the helm. I told Wanda I'd drive us back to school. And drive I did.

Aside from my usual panic that I was going to get caught, arrested, throw in German jail for 15 years and dishonorably discharged from the Army AND listening to Wanda go on and on and on about what a great guy her husband really is (you know, aside from the fact he refused to get a job, put his daughter in jeopardy, was dealing and doing drugs and oh, also cheated on Wanda a few times -- you know --other than that) I was enjoying the drive. There's just this feeling of freedom that you can floor that pedal without worry of breaking any laws (aside from the law of driving without a license). Going as fast as I could or dared, there were still cars in the left lane just flying past me. I would get up to about 110 then the scary cat in me would start picturing the crash scene when I lost control of the car and landed Wanda and I in some field --and that poor baby girl being left to her drug dealing daddy. So then I'd back down to about 95 --staying in the far right lane of course, the slow lane.

We finally reached our exit and I was just thrilled to have experienced the Autobahn!! Caught up in the excitement, I whipped right off the exit ramp towards our destination. We came to a fork in the road where you had to veer left or right --not really turn but sort of circle around in either direction. So still keeping up my Autobahn momentum, I whipped around to the right and no sooner I turned that corner what was sitting right there in the grassy knoll? Polizei! That's right --the German police!! And boy was I speeding. There's not a speed limit on the Autobahn but certainly on the off roads and here I was flying around that corner WITHOUT A DRIVER'S LICENSE!

I'm not going to lie to you, there was a brief moment I thought to myself I could probably outrun the guy. Driving on the Autobahn has that speed demon invincible effect on you. But it was just a passing thought and so ever so cautiously, I pulled over. It also crossed my mind that perhaps Wand's drug dealing husband had some stash someplace in the car. I was just for certain that on THIS night, I'd be in jail.

I decided I wasn't going to volunteer any information about me not having a license to drive and I'd either wait for him to ask me or figure it out on his own. Wanda was still quite a mess and perhaps that worked to our advantage because when the police came to the window he pointed to her and asked if she was okay. I told him she had some marital problems she was working out. Then he asked where we were going. I told him we were on our way to school and I showed him my military ID. He looked at it, looked at me, took another look at Wanda, looked in the back seat. He asked if I had been drinking or if Wanda had and I assured him we had not been and that we were stationed in Ansbach and just needed to get back to school. He handed me my ID card and told me to have a nice evening.

THAT'S IT? NO HANDCUFFS? NO JAIL TIME?

I cannot even describe to you how relieved I was. We were just minutes from our school so I continued to drive until we got there. I never did tell Wanda I did not have a license --she just assumed I did.

So yes, I did get to Paris and go up the Eiffel Tower and yes, I did drive on the Autobahn. Goals accomplished. No regrets.