The Dining In

The night of the Dining In all those that had some role had to be at the hall early. I can't tell you how happy I was to be in a skirt --all cleaned up and girly. I just felt good about myself for a change.

By the time everyone else got there, I was in the reception area which was fairly large. I have a very vague recollection of the place but I do remember it was a very old building --kind of dilapidated but also kind of old school Hollywood. There was a huge chandelier in the reception area and the carpet was green. I was standing around in that reception area when all the soldiers started coming in. As I recall, I think they were bussed over but we were still on a military installation, probably the same one. Details are sketchy.

Soon I saw the familiar faces of my platoon so I started walking towards them; I liked hanging out with them. Then I started to feel weird because they were all looking at me sort of strange, like starring. It was that feeling like everyone in the room knows something about you but you. I had this rush of insecurity come upon me so then I started to walk the opposite direction, pretending I had planned that all along. As I was walking away one of the guys called out to me so I turned around and they were walking towards me and one asked, “Hey, where are you going?” I told him I think I had to get ready to go in and he pointed to the others that were singing with me and said, “No you don’t, they aren’t going in yet.” So I stood there with my guys and for me it was a very awkward silence so finally I said, “What? What’s wrong?” One of the guys said, “We’ve just never seen you like this.” Like what??? One guy looks at my shoes, my skirt, at me and says, “Like THIS!” I laughed and said, “Oh, like a girl?” One guy said, “No, like a lady.”

And that was so refreshing for me. I can still see me standing there in that room. I can still hear their voices and see their faces looking at me. More importantly, I remember how I felt. I felt like a pretty girl. It was memorable indeed.

It wasn’t just the compliment –it was a relief from weeks of having to pretend I wasn’t a girl. It was finally me being me. During PLDC I struggled with the sexual harassment, unfair treatment because I was a female and having to keep up with men, big strong men. When I acted like and felt like a girl, I fell behind or got into trouble or wasn’t good enough. So there was this constant battle within me –tugging on my emotions, tugging on the core of who I was. I didn’t realize how tense it made me until that very moment I was standing in that reception area; I physically felt a sense of release and relief. It was as if I let out a big sigh because I didn't have to put up a wall of protection or trying to arm myself for a battle of the sexes. A huge weight lifted from me.

We chatted a bit before it was time for me to go in. As I walked away one of the guys in my platoon walked up to me and said, “You look very nice tonight.” I thanked him for the compliment and he said, “I don’t even know your name.” I laughed and reminded him he did indeed know my name –Dodge, Sergeant Dodge. He said, “No, I mean your first name.” Oh! That! Yeah you know, you can know someone in the Army forever and ever and never know their first name. I even called Sergeant Newsome well –Sergeant Newsome while we dated. It took a very long time for me to call him Jerry, even off duty. I told the Sergeant my name was Melissa and he held out his hand to shake mine and said, “Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Melissa.”