What Not To Wear

I was becoming a bit determined in my pregnancy to separate myself from two things as much as possible; the Army and being single.  Very odd determinations considering I was single and in the Army.  I never said it made sense.

I could not reconcile in my mind maternity BDU's.  The name itself is an oxymoron.  BDU = Battle Dress Uniform.  How can you preface that with "maternity".  Does that make sense?  Maternity  Battle Dress Uniform.  Dressed for Battle, Maternity style.  Battle?  Uh no!  Let's face it, camouflage isn't exactly flattering on an un-pregnant body and camouflage, unlike its name suggests, DOES NOT make you look smaller.  In addition to that, with BDU's you had to wear combat boots and there again I ask you, what about the word "combat" suggest you're about to become a loving tender Mommy?  I wasn't about to wear maternity camouflage BDU's nor was I going to wear combat boots.

The challenge here was, that was the required uniform and the Army is kind of you know, particular about rules and regulations.  Somehow I had to get an exception.

I did not have to pay for my uniform.  With a signed note from my doctor stating my "delicate condition", I took that to clothing sales and got my uniform paid for.  Or maybe I took that note to Finance and they gave me money to go buy the uniform --20-something year old details are sketchy. 

Remember, I was also keeping my pregnancy private for as long as I possibly could.  I'll be honest, some of that was due to shame, that social stigma put upon unwed pregnancies.  Part of it was I just didn't know how to tell everyone.  And lastly, I was still waiting to hear from Newsome and I'm not sure if this even makes any sense at all but it seemed like until it was "our" news and not just "my" news, I didn't want people to know.  I'm not sure if I can really explain that.

My BDU's were getting tighter so I kept letting them out a bit and then leaving the top button undone, then the second button undone, etc.  Yes, I was stubborn and yes, I was afraid to "out" myself but I also knew soon enough, my pregnant belly would tell on itself.

My doctor put me on a PT Profile which stated I only had to run if I felt up to it and I could walk instead of run.  Well, I didn't give that profile to anyone because you know --the secret and all, so I was running PT every day still but my doctor assured me it was okay as long as I felt okay.  He said being pregnant was not the time to take up a new exercise regime but you certainly could continue one already in place.  This certainly was quite a feat considering I was still battling sickness and not eating and ----

And if it sounds like the root of all of this was vanity and pride, it really was deeply rooted in shame.  I was still learning how to embrace forgiveness.

Actually, I was still learning how to embrace a lot of things.

I went to get my maternity uniform at Clothing Sales.  They don't keep the maternity clothes on the floor so you have to ask for them.  The sales lady went into the back and came back empty handed and apologetically said, "I'm so sorry but we are out of maternity BDU's in fact, we are out of all maternity uniforms.  They have been on back-order for quite a long time now and I'm not sure when we will get them in."

I was so happy I wanted to kiss her --smack dab on the lips --but I didn't. 

And then it occurred to me, if I could not get a maternity uniform what would I wear?