The Call Is Yours

I don’t think Sergeant Major was expecting the water works and I think he wasn’t sure exactly how to react but he held his composure, for which I was glad one of us could, and kind of sat there for a moment before he asked, “What’s wrong?”

What’s right is a better question, Sergeant Major.

I didn’t know where to begin. It all just came flooding my mind all at once and quite frankly, I was a little ticked off he had my grades/performance evaluations right there in front of me, he was well aware of other things going on and I’m crying and he asked what’s wrong?

The more I tried to gain control the less of it I had. I was able to say, through sobs and deep breaths, “No one likes me no matter what I do. When I stand up for myself, I get harassed for it but when I back down, people take advantage of me. If I speak up and say something is inappropriate, like the instructors describing their M-16 weapon as if it were a male body part, they get mad at me then treat me like I’m some stupid girl but when I don’t say anything, they go on and on like its okay. It’s not okay. It’s not okay that I had to fight for privacy in the showers and none of the other females wanted to take a stance with me because they didn’t want to be perceived as being weak.. None of the guys in the platoon will even listen to me. I tell them to do something and it doesn’t get done and then I get in trouble for it. I run around each night checking areas and all I find are soldiers lying in bed shooting the breeze. Then in the midst of all of this I’m suppose to study and do well on tests? My roommates hate me and it’s so bad I can’t even be in my room for any length of time. I get yelled at in front of my entire platoon for marching so poorly but it was my first time ever marching and getting yelled at like that further undermined any authority I had with the guys. . . . .”

I went on and on.

And if it sounds like I was level headed and clear and stated my position well, it wasn’t the case at all. I was crying so hard I could barely speak. Sometimes I just stood there sobbing waiting to catch a breath before I spoke again. Sergeant Major finally cut me off.

“No one told you PLDC was going to be easy. No one said for you to come here expecting a cake walk. This is leadership training –we are training you to lead soldiers. It’s an important job but if your command didn’t think you were cut out for it, you wouldn’t be here. You are here because your NCO’s think you will make a good leader in the Army. I know what’s going on with your roommates –one of them came to me trying to turn you in about the bathroom door –do you think I even cared about that? I was more disappointed in her for telling than I was in you –it wasn’t about the door. What had happened earlier is some female soldiers were leaving and “hooking up” with their boyfriends in their car then sneaking back in. This is why we put out the message about the door –and those females that were guilty—they knew exactly what we were referring to. This isn’t about someone running to their car to get something they forgot to bring in. I’m not running some brothel here or sex school so no, my female soldiers are not going to sneak out because they can’t control themselves or their boyfriends. That is all that was about. Your roommate was wasting my time with her tattling, I’m not running a pre-school here. Did you come here to make friends? Did you? No, because if you did I’m here to tell you, you’re here for all the wrong reasons. Why do you care what your roommates think? Who are they? Do they have any rights beyond yours? Is the room any less yours because they said so? No, so why are you standing here telling me who likes you and who doesn’t. This isn’t a popularity contest and being a leader isn’t about making friends either. I don’t really care who likes you or who doesn’t but I do care when your rank or position are not being respected. Now we’re talking Army business. My instructor yelled at you because from what I understand, your platoon was nothing short of a mob. Did he have to yell at you in front of everyone, maybe not but I know one thing, he got his point across, didn’t he? My instructors do what they do –they train soldiers. Did you come here to learn? Then let us teach you and let us determine how to teach you. That’s your problem, Sergeant, you aren’t allowing us to teach you. I can’t work with you if you won’t be teachable. You have to get behind being the platoon sergeant. You’re not running negotiations, you’re making decisions –you make those decision then you stand by them. You’re letting those guys walk all over you and do you know why? Because they can, that’s why.”

By this time I had calmed down enough to speak and I jumped in, “But Sergeant Major, what do you expect me to do? Those are hard-core CAV soldiers out there. These guys do this for a living. I sit behind a desk in a JAG office. What exactly do you expect me to teach them?”

Sergeant Major softened his demeanor and voice a little bit, “Sergeant, it’s not about what you can teach them, this is about what you can learn about yourself. This is about finding that leader within you. It’s about taking those dormant leadership skills and honing them and putting them to work. You don’t have to ask their permission –you just do it.”

“That’s just it Sergeant Major, I can’t do it. I just can’t.”

Sergeant Major shrugs, “Well, you’re right then. If that’s your attitude then leave now –why go through the rest of the course? Sergeant, if you keep telling yourself you can’t –you won’t. It’s that simple. I can’t do this for you. No one can. Now you either determine to do it yourself or you go back to your unit. Sure it might be tougher for you than other soldiers but right now you’re the only soldier standing here before me and the soldier I see has potential of being a great leader –if you should so choose to be. It’s your choice. Don’t sweat the small stuff, Sergeant. You are spending all of your energy in the wrong places. Get your focus on your work, your tests and getting through the course. Do you think its any easier out there?  If you can't handle being a leader here wtih us helping you, what exactly do you expect in a unit?  You don't think the Army is about distractions?  You think the battle field is easy?  You see, I have to train you to the point the Army has the confidence to put soldier's lives in your hands.  You can have the enemy at your heels and are you going to stand there and worry about who likes you?  This isn't high school, Sergeant.  We aren't here to vote for homecoming queen.  And let me tell you an important element of leadership –delegation. You aren’t expected to do all the work or even know all the answers. You see, part of being a good leader is knowing your people –utilize them, do you understand? Showcase all the strengths of your platoon, not your weaknesses.  Your unit, your platoon --its only as strong as its weakest link.  There's nothing to be afraid of here, no one is here to hurt you and certainly no one wants you to fail --oh maybe your rommates would like to see you fall but who are they?  Who cares?   They are struggling to get through this course just like you are.  You put some bass in that voice and you let them know who’s in charge. You are. I guarantee you if you start acting like a leader they will start treating you like one. The call is yours.”